So i haven't posted in a bit because everything is in a holding pattern. I see the psych doc and nurse tomorrow, so we'll see what they say about me going back to work. Wish me luck!

An ok Monday

Today was just an ok sort of day. I started out strong; I actually walked on the treadmill again. But then I got so tired I took a nap and it was all downhill from there. I then just spent a quiet evening at home. Nothing earth shattering, but not so bad either.

Mindfulness Sunday

I am supposed to be working on mindfulness this week. Mindfulness means being present in the moment; living in the moment. So I sat and enjoyed a simple cup of hot chocolate. I took in the sweet aroma, enjoyed the creamy and slightly bitter taste, and felt the warmth run down my throat. It was amazing how at the start, my brain was going a million miles an hour: I was thinking about what I needed to do tomorrow, the laundry that needed to get done, crafting ideas, worries about my job. When I focussed on the hot chocolate, I let the whole experience take over my brain. By the time I was done, I felt better than I had for a while, like I had taken a mini vacation. I guess the stuff the professionals teach you does work, eh? :)

Not too bad a day

The buttermilk honey bread I made yesterday was awesome! Most of it is gone *blush* It was absolutely perfect: chewy crust, fine dense texture and easy to slice. Delicious too! I am a bit stiff from all the suff I did yesterday, so I took it a little easier today.

I did some dishes, played with some art work and ate bread ; ). It is lightly snowing here so it was a perfect day to stay indoors.

Friday Action

So I learned yesterday that people with PTSD often have trouble with action. In other words, they have a harder than average time to actually do something. For my whole life, I have been a "planner" and not a "doer". I get stuck in the dreaming stage of a project. It is extemely hard for me to do some things, even if they are pleasing or enjoyable. So what Joann had suggested yesterday was to be gentle with yourself but do one thing per day. I thought to myself that surely I could do one thing I want or needed to do per day? So today I did two things! I walked on the treadmil for ten minutes. Now that doesn't sound like a lot, but to me just getting there and doing it was huge! The other thing I decided to do is to make some bread. It is in the oven right now and I hope it is tasty! Now, you're probably wondering why I can't just "do it". There is something in my brain that is so hard to overcome, it's like climbing Mount Everest in your undies. I just *can't*. But today I proved that I *can*. I'm sure I won't pick such difficult (for me) goals everyday, but I will do something everyday. I have already been good at doing something creative everyday, so I have proven I can do it. I just have to keep the momentum up. Wish me luck!

Guess what? More photoshop pics

This is the original picture. The rest of the pics are my experiments with photoshop.

More photoshop

Ok, I'm liking photoshop!
I call it "Sunflower Artifact".

Mmmm...photoshop!

So I've been playing with photoshop. I am quite the newbie to photoshop, so I've just been playing with all the fun filters. See what I did!

Happy Heart Day!

Happy Heart Day everyone! And an especially warm Happy Heart Day to my hubby. I love you!

Let it snow... some place else!

We're expecting about 4" of snow here tonight, the land of icy tundra and igloos. Hooray for February snow (not). I really don't mind snow; it's the cold and *excessive* snow that irks me.
Today is just not a great day (whine alert). I'm sore, I'm grumpy, I'm tired. I'm worried about my future. Wah, wah. Same s#it, different day. I just want to be better already.

Monday

Ya know, i just don't have anything to say today. See ya tomorrow!

WIP weekend

So I didn't post yesterday because I have a quiet (read deleriously boring) life. I stayed in, crocheted and watched t.v. Made some no-bake cookies. Stayed in my jammies. Although today is going to be pretty much a repeat of yesterday, I thought I could at least add a pic of my crochet wip blanket.
It's getting there. I am on my fourth skein of yarn. I am pretty impressed that I have continued to work on it. It's maybe not going as fast as I would like, but I am doing my best. I feel I am doing a pretty good job; it is relatively neat and the stitches are close to being the same. Yay me and my blankie!

Just a quiet day...

It was a very quiet day today. I just stayed home, had a nap, drank tea, played with the dogs and crocheted some. My hubby was home today too, and it was so nice to just have him near.

I have also been doing my homework for my group. They say you get out what you put in, and I am trying my best right now.

Where did Wednesday go?

Whoops, forgot to post yesterday. I only crocheted about 1/2 a side of my blanket. I also made some molasses cheerio clusters (sounds weird but are yummy).

Today was ok, in a good way. I went to my group and got a bit of info about what to do about my pain. Joann (the nurse clinician) suggested to move around, try a soak with epsom salts and lavender, and to write at the top of a page "what is my pain trying to tell me?". The actual group was good and interesting; we learned about the definitions of trauma and PTSD. We also got a little more homework. I am supposed to focus on feeling a piece of fleece or rubbing a river stone; this is supposed to slow down and soothe my right brain. I don't know about it, but I will do it to get better. Afterwards, hubby and I went for tea :D Yumm-O! We then went to a very cool bead store where I bought some nice red and pink beads. Oooh, shiny! All in all, not too bad a day at all! I have plans to do a bit of crochet in front of the t.v. tonight.

It is Tuesday

Ooh..today I was sore, sore, sore. I think I can feel every tendon and ligament in my body. But I still accomplished some things today: I crocheted, I read, I did some dishes and cut both my doggies' toe nails. Umph. I am pooped.

Truth in clover

I've been feeling a little better lately, so I thought I would try to read a novel. I have always love to read, and my decreased concentration made it too diffficult to do any kind of reading. I found a copy of The Prince Of Tides by Pat Conroy hanging around in my spare bedroom, so I thought I would give it a go. This is the book that was made into a movie with Barbara Streisand and Nick Nolte. I remember seeing the movie, but all I can remember is Nick Nolte crying in Babs' arms. For some reason, it seems important to remember the plot, but I can't.
The writing is a little tough sometimes, and I have to go back and read a fair bit, but I am doing ok so far. Some of the writing is so beautiful. One passage that struck me was:
"But in the unconscious, I began to encounter both wild fruit and vast undisciplined vineyards. I tried to censor the superfluous or the commonplace, yet I knew large truths lay hidden in the clovers, sweet grasses, and wild mint." This passage struck me profoundly, like somehow my truths are laying in clover too.
My unconciscous is holding my memories; painful ones. Sometimes I see a glint of a memory, like a fleeting fish under flowing water. I wish I could either remember or forget and not be in this painful no-man's land.

Baby, it's cold outside!

Yikes! It's very cold outside here~~ like -27C with windchill! Blech, I hate the cold. It's a good thing that I have been crocheting my hands to the nubs making a blanket. Right now it is slow going, as the bigger the blanket, the larger the rounds I am doing. Hopefully I get it done before spring comes!

It certainly has been quiet here; just staying inside and vegging while crocheting. It's all good. I have a quiet week ahead too, so it looks like crochet and doing some art are in my future. Yay me!

It's Friday!

Today was a quiet kind of day. I did a little art, did a little crochet and talked to Miz S. I surfed the internet a bit too, and found some neat blogs and websites.

It snowed today too and was quite windy. I guess winter is here, but the groundhogs here in Canada say that we will have an early spring. I sure hope so!

Mmm... cookies!

Anyone who knows me knows I love to bake. I will bake anything: cookies, cake, pie, bread. There's not too much that intimidates me when it comes to baking. As I am trying to become more active in life, I have been falling back on baking nto get me back in the groove. I have been doing simple cookies for now.

These are a very simple brown sugar drop cookie with chocolate chips and raisins. The dough was easy to use and they taste great! The recipe also made a whole bunch, so I will be able to stick some in the freezer for a later date.

Ever hopeful, Shadow always asks:"Can I have a cookie too, Mom?" Uh, I don't think so, but you're darn cute anyway.

I have been having ideas float thru' my head about maybe making some dolls. I was going to start tonite, but I am pooped. Perhaps tomorrow.