My career in review

WARNING: Seriously icky/gross medical stuff to follow. Don't say I didn't warn you!

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I had said earlier this week that I am resigning from the College of Nurses here. Even though the pay was great, I was never meant to be a nurse: I truly hated it. I was also burnt out. The burnt out/hating it just finally did me in after 13 years. Lately, as this part of my life comes to an end, I have been thinking a lot about all the things I did/accomplished while being a burn/plastic surgery nurse.

I have taken care of so many people: women, men, babies, children, teens, adults and the elderly. I have seen wonderful results from surgeries. I have seen horrendous results of surgery. I have peeled blistered skin away from burn victims more often than I can say. I have done dressing changes that have taken literally hours. I have caused pain, because I knew "it" (whatever "it" was) had to be done, and the patient would get better. I have been thrown up on, peed on, pooed on, "horked" on, bled on, and have had various other body fluids on me. I have been yelled at, insulted, and ignored. I have laughed and cried with patients and staff. I have put tubes in body orifices. I have seen babies being born, and seen people die. I have yelled at doctors when they wouldn't listen to me. Doctors have told me that I did a great job. I have eaten my lunch while discussing icky wounds, burn dressings, and poop. I have taken care of patients with AIDS, Hep C, C. diff, MRSA, VRE. I have taken care of patients with flame (or anything hot, like ashphalt or concrete or oil) burns, scalds, electrocution, chemical burns. I have seen every part of the body burned, including eyeballs. I have given more medication than I can count, including narcotics. I have taken out more staples and sutures than I can count. I know what Pseudomonas aeruginosa smells like. I know what cancer smells like. I have taken care of patients with bed sores so large you could fit your hand in them and touch bone. I have seen patients with breast reductions, with implants, with tummy tucks, with face lifts. I have seen what happens when someone tries to commit suicide with a gun. I have seen the results of abuse. I have treated drug addicts who, when trying to shoot up, missed a vein. I have been kicked at and punched. I have had water fights with the nurses and patients with 60cc syringes in the hallway. I have shifts from "hell" and I have had very quiet shifts. I have gotten to know my co-workers and their families. Over the years, I have worked every holiday. I have brought turkey dinner in on Christmas Day when I was working. I have sung with patients while they were in the tub (Tom Jones on the CD player in the tub room was always a favourite). I have seen so many burn victims "walk out" of the hospital, and I know in my heart that I did my best to make them better, and they WERE better.

The people I have taken care of have all been so different. The great majority were kind, wonderful, understanding and reasonable people. Under difficult and trying conditions, they were true "troopers". Yes, there were a few people who got under my skin (both patients and staff). But they were a tiny minority. Generally, my patients left in better condition than when they came in. Unfortunately, I cannot remember them all, but a few will always have a place in my heart.

The staff? Well, I cannot say enough good things about them. Dedicated. Caring. Reliable. Honest. Hard-working. Caring. Detail-oriented. Caring. Oh yes, did I say caring? They cared not only about the patients but about their co-workers too. Birthdays were always remembered (both patients and staff!) They worried about Nurse Sally's ailing grandmother or Nurse Jill's son. They worried about you. As bad as the work sometimes was, someone "had your back" and you could depend on them at crunch time. Everyone worked extra shifts or overtime if they had to. I don't think I will ever find better people anywhere.

There is so much more I could say; like the hours of worry at home about a patient's condition, the worry about "did I do good enough?", or "did I forget something important?" But now, I never have to worry anymore. I can take a deep breath and say: "It is done. I don't ever have to do it again." I can finally, finally, take care of myself. I now need to be a nurse to myself.