Sigh. I know. Whoever said life was fair?
But, I reply. I think of myself as a "good" person. I pay my taxes. I try not to hurt anyone. I care about my family and friends. I go to the doctor for checkups. I drink my water.
I also know I am not Mother Theresa. I eat too many treats. I am overweight. I don't exercise. I indulge in long showers when there are people in the world who don't have clean water to drink.
I just think that even though I am not perfect, I am not so bad. Right now, I just am frustrated that I have to deal with shit that isn't even my fault. Why me? I have PTSD and depression and anxiety because I am trying to cope with past events that I did not choose. I resent having to choose to do either "this" or "that" when I want to do "this" AND "that" because my body is in pain and is rebelling and wants to rest. So, yeah, it's not fucking fair. And I am pissed.
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3 comments:
Dear Anne -
You deserve treats and long showers. That is first. You would not deny me a treat or a long shower and I hope it's not too preachy to say, you should treat yourself as you would a dear friend. Or a child.
Second. I don't blame you for being frustrated. It's not fair. And you should be pissed off that you have to deal with shit that you didn't want or need or isn't what anyone deserves. PTSD sucks. I hate it. I just "came to" having done something I'm not terribly happy about - I'm telling you this just so you know, I understand.
xo
Faith
Thank you Faith for hearing and understanding. It sure means a lot to me. I just wish I could keep moving forward in the healing process. I always did what I wanted, and now my body is controlling what I can and can't do. Argh.
Thanks also for reminding me to be kind to myself. It is easier for me to be kind to others and hard on myself.
I'm sending a great big HUG to you. I feel your pain and live with "invisible" ailments everyday. Just know that you are not alone and despite your issues, you ARE a good person! Your past does not make who you are!
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