Just a little creativity

I felt like doing some creative stuff yesterday. I was not up to doing a large piece, so I just did some little ones:

This is a bracelet that I added the beads to. My mil gave me the bracelet, and I wired up some coordinating beads and attached them to the links. Pretty!



The next is a little piece of art. It is bigger than an ACEO, but not by much. Watercolours, fabric, thread, beads.



I am planning to do some more stuff today, but unsure of just what yet.

Light and fluffy

While some parts of this continent were basking in 80F weather this weekend, we got hit with the same snowstorm that hit Ohio. (Yup, it is March in the arctic tundra.) We got at least 8" of snow, and the wind was blowing hard. Of course, we got invited out to one of hubby's coworker's house for dinner that night (it never fails, something always tries to get in the way of fun). It is a good thing our little car does great in the snow, and we got there with no problems. I was a little nervous, but I had met Vic and his wife Chris before, so once I got over the "zomg they will judge me!!!!" thoughts, I had a good evening. Chris made a lovely dinner, and I brought homemade cookies and a fine time was had by all.

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This is my second attempt at caramels.



Still not as soft as I would like, but they are getting better. I am going to wait a little bit before trying *again*.

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I was watching t.v., and a Volvo commercial came on. I liked the music, so of course I Googled it. Here is the video of the ad:




Melpo Mene is the artist and the link goes to his Myspace page. His music is kind of cool!

Rage

The following may be triggering for some viewers. Viewer discretion is advised.

This post is also pretty meandering and stream of consciousness. May not make sense to anyone but me.

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Lately, when I am alone, I have been having overwhelming feelings of rage. I cannot call my feelings simply anger; it is more wild and uncontrolled than that. It is difficult to understand or even to experience. There is connected to the rage a feeling of unfairness (is that a word? it is now!); a sense of "why aren't things better already". Although I have come a fair distance in the last couple of years, I get so disheartened at the distance yet to go.

I get filled with rage at all sorts of things. That life is not fair. That my hubby is not at home with me when he is at work (yeah, that makes no sense, I know). That I am lonely but I don't know how to make friends. That I have "no self control" therefore I am fat. That my life (and my existence) is shrinking in size.

When I am alone, I get so stuck in my head and I can't get out. Feelings are overwhelming and I have no idea how to live through them or express them. Everything starts to grate on my nerves: like the dogs whining or snow getting in my boots. I try to use the techniques I have learned in my therapy, but the techniques are still so new that I am trying to figure out what works and what doesn't in which situation.

Yet when my hubby comes home, I don't feel the rage. The rage just melts. I have something and someone else to focus on. I get out of my head and into the real world of human interaction.

I don't know where this train of thought and emotion will head in the future. For now this is a start.

More pictures of the Mullet Purse

Ok, batteries for the camera are all juiced up, so here we go...

This first pic is of the back of the purse. One of my zippered pockets...Zipper is 6".




First view of the colourful lining...



The lining in all its glory! It has a very light silver outline to the green flowers.



A view of the interior pocket; 7" long.



I must say that I am pretty proud of this purse. It makes me smile!

Anne, the Fabric Wrangler (or the story of the Mullet Purse)

Besides working very hard on the inside, I have been trying to do some new things in my outer life. For example, I wanted to make chewy caramels from scratch. So, I did what I always do: I head over to Recipezaar. I found some recipes, and most people commented that their caramels were too soft. I wanted chewy, not gooey, caramels, so I found a recipe that had a higher end-cooking temperature. So I made them, slowly cooking simple ingredients on the stove. However, I ended up not making caramels, but toffee. So-hard-you-have-to-suck-on-them-to-make-them-soft toffee. Delicious, but not what I was aiming for. Will have to try again another day.

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I also have been working on making myself another purse. One with *zippered pockets* and a flap to cover the opening and enough body to keep its shape. I have a bunch of fabric, and found in my stash some purple wool and a contrasting yet complimentary cotton fabric for the lining. I also had zippers too, so I was all set to go.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been working on it here and there for a few minutes. I looked up a tutorial for zippered pockets. Ironed in interfacing. Got the zippered pockets done. By Monday, I had decided that I just wanted to finish it already. So, in then past couple of days, I worked hard and got it done.


The finished purse...

Just call me the "Fabric Wrangler" because , jeez, sometimes this project was a pain. Thick fabric, lots of layers, me being picky because I didn't not want any of the lining to show, etc. But I made the fabric submit to my will (mostly)!


Front detail...


Now, the reason I call this the "Mullet Purse" is this. You know how the description of a mullet is "business in the front and party in the back!"? Well, this purse is business on the outside and a party on the inside! I love the lining fabric! It is bright and colourful. It is like my own little secret that this serious purse has a fun interior. Unfortunately, my batteries in the camera died before I could take a pic of the zippered pockets and the lining. I guess those will have to wait until tomorrow! It is pretty huge for a purse; it can hold 5 large paperbacks and still have room for my wallet, iPod, phone, lunch and whatever else I may ever need. The strap is long enough to go over my shoulder, and is also tapered.

Is it perfect? No. Is it GoodEnough (tm)? Absolutely! The zippers work, and I think it looks pretty good. Besides, it makes ME happy, and that is all that is really important, right?

Here I am!

Warning: The following may be triggering or difficult to read. Viewer discretion is advised.

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Over the Christmas holidays I took life pretty easy. I didn't do much "work" (in relation to my PTSD). When January came, I rededicated myself to working a bit harder. (I know, my therapist is always saying: The slower you go the faster you go. Hmm, maybe I should listen to her once in a while...)

*

Introspection

One of the things I did is to focus the majority of my energies internally. I have spent most of my life living for others. My nursing career was for my parents. Spare time was for my dogs, my family and my friends. It is not to say that I didn't do things for myself; of course I did. But all my emotional energy went outwards. Worry, concern, love, or simply doing things because so-and-so would enjoy it, was my life. I am an Eastern European Woman, and I learned that that was what women do. Put others before yourself. Always.

I got tired. I got burnt-out. But I kept going. Doing what I thought I should do. But now I truly realize that if you don't take care of yourself, you cannot help others. So I started talking less to my best friend and my cousin. I cut off most communications with my parents (they were also a trigger). It was not that I stopped caring, but that I needed to take care of myself.

I wanted to get into some kind of routine. I started listening to myself. What I needed, like food or rest. Telling my hubby what I needed from him (he is being a great cheerleader for me!).

Now, I am eating much more routinely. I eat actual meals, spaced apart. I am not grazing nearly as much. I give myself breaks. I am teaching myself to sew. I am doing somewhat better with the housework. I am napping when my body tells me to. I am resting when I need to. I am eating more fruit and veggies. I am trying to listen to my emotions and figuring out what I need to be comforted.

I know I have a long road ahead. Emotions, especially "negative" ones, overwhelm me easily. I still eat "too much" or "the wrong stuff" when it all gets too much. I get sucked into old thought patterns.

I am trying to learn how to be gentle with myself. Not so easy, for sure.

*

Memory (Alert! Very triggering!)

Last week was really hard. A couple of years ago was when some new, difficult memories came to the surface. I started seeing some memories in a new context. Within the space of a few months, my life blew apart. My past was not what I thought it was. Flashbacks were horrible.

With getting into treatment, I have been able to better ride through flashbacks. Some of the "body flashbacks" are still quite disruptive and fatiguing, but I can cope with the visual flashbacks so they are not disruptive at all. I am able to say to myself: "This is a memory. I am in the present. Right now I am ok and safe". With any flashbacks, I am getting better at taking care of myself while getting through them.

Right now, the difficulties I am having are around my memory. Some memories are clear. But some of my memories are sketchy, indistinct, yet I have a sense of knowingness which surrounds them. But, I tell myself, what if I am wrong? What if my memories are incorrect? What if my understanding of them are wrong? I know that "so-and-so" would *never* let *anyone* hurt me (he told me so many times!), but my memories are of him hurting me. I can't be right! But what if I am right? I *must* be wrong! But I don't think I am wrong! And round and round we go...

It is so much easier to say that I am wrong, I am defective, it is all my fault. Because what would it truly mean if I were right? How will that redefine my past?

My brain is such a minefield that no matter which way I turn, I get hurt.

*

Physical Health

So. My family doc has been watching some of my bloodwork, because my liver enzymes are elevated. I finally got in to see a liver specialist Thursday. After doing a thorough assessment, he said that I don't have any serious liver disease (yay!). However, I do have an "inflamed liver". I need to get more bloodwork done, I need to lose 40 lbs, and I will see him again in a year. Yay, I think? I guess it is not so bad.

It was kind of funny (not really). I called my parents to let them know what is going on. My mom asked me if my liver inflammation was due to my "weight". I said yes, and I got silence on the other end. Sigh.

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So that in a nut shell is what you've been missing. I hope to start posting a bit more regularly; even just light posts.

Fat is a statement

Fat is a statement. A good essay about fat that explains things so much better than I could.

Introspection

Just a quick post to say I am ok. I am just looking inward a fair bit right now, and haven't felt like posting. Posts will resume more regularly in the future!

Getting better + Where have you been all my life?

My cold is much better, although I still have a wet cough. I am still resting a fair bit and taking care of myself.

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My therapist has been suggesting some books by an author named Geneen Roth. Funnily enough, I happened to find her website through meandering the internet. Now, I believe in "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear" philosophy. I took all these signs to mean that maybe I should read some of her books. Went to the library and found "When Food is Love" and "When you eat at the refrigerator, pull up a chair". I got them out on Thursday and have already devoured them! I have never understood my underlying issues around food until now. It is like a light-bulb went on! I now want to re-read them and really absorb her message...

I'm sick

I have a really bad cold. Really bad; the kind that makes your voice all gravelly and your sinuses stuffy and your throat feel like razor-blades. So I have been taking it easy. Listening to my needs. Sleeping. Drinking lots of hot lemon and honey. Taking advil when I feel sore. I have been wanting to work on my dolls, but I am just taking the time to feel better. I figure I will do what my therapist is always saying: "The slower you go, the faster you go". And so, I am going slow. (And listening to old 1980's "American Top 40"s with Casey Kasem on channel 8 on xm radio. Blasts from the past!)

The doll making continues...

Doll making is so much fun! Here is my next doll:





Colours are a bit washed out. I really like her; she is a bit organically shaped.

Colour

"For me, the color play involved satisfies the latent painter within." Ladylinoleum from monster crochet.

Ladylinoleum was talking about her experiences dyeing yarn on her blog when I read the above quote. Yes! I thought. My dreams have always been that I would be a Painter (yup, with a capital "p"). However, I recently began to think differently. Although I love the end process, I am a messy painter. I paint with acrylics, so they are not so bad to clean, but the brushes still have to be cleaned before going to relax. I am not so much into the "messy" part of painting. I have been starting to make art dolls, and I can stand that mess much easier. Nothing stains, I can leave an unfinished doll right where it sits with no "clean up". I get to play with glorious colours, just as I would if I were painting. So, for right now, doll making "satisfies my latent painter within"!

Just some more fun...

My days can be quite long and boring and lonely. Since 2008 is the year of me, I thought I would start doing the things I really enjoy. Like doll-making.

The following doll I made over the last couple of weeks; a few minutes here and there. Fabric is Amy Butler. Has hand-applied glass and silver beads and silver plated chain. Hair is wool and (I think) angelina. Filling is rice (yup!) to weight her down and fiberfill. Hand embroidered face.




She is not huge; body and head are about 7" together. I like her! There will be more dolls to come...

Thinking, thinking.

After my last post, I have been doing a lot of thinking. About the past and it not being my fault, not being my choice. And then it came to me. It is NOT MY FAULT. No. Really.

It.
Is.
Not.
My.
Fault.

It is like something deep inside has shifted. It is like I am looking at my whole situation from a different perspective. And it deeply resonates within me. I can now recognize how every destructive act I do to myself is to override the unbearable pain of the past.

I get it.

It is not my fault.

Life is not fair.

Sigh. I know. Whoever said life was fair?

But, I reply. I think of myself as a "good" person. I pay my taxes. I try not to hurt anyone. I care about my family and friends. I go to the doctor for checkups. I drink my water.

I also know I am not Mother Theresa. I eat too many treats. I am overweight. I don't exercise. I indulge in long showers when there are people in the world who don't have clean water to drink.

I just think that even though I am not perfect, I am not so bad. Right now, I just am frustrated that I have to deal with shit that isn't even my fault. Why me? I have PTSD and depression and anxiety because I am trying to cope with past events that I did not choose. I resent having to choose to do either "this" or "that" when I want to do "this" AND "that" because my body is in pain and is rebelling and wants to rest. So, yeah, it's not fucking fair. And I am pissed.

Spicy! and some more stuff came in the mail...

Lately, I have been in the mood for spicy food. I recently picked up some frozen President's Choice spicy chicken strips. They are good, and have a bit of a kick. They are most awesome in a wrap with Miracle Whip (or ranch dressing) with some lettuce.



However, I was not expecting my cup-a-soup to be spicy today. We were at the grocery store yesterday, and I saw these shrimp soup bowls from Korea. Huh, thought I, I like shrimp. I should have realized something was up when there were loads of these soup bowls left on the shelf, but not much left in their other flavours. Being the adventurous sort, I figured: "How bad could they be for $1.19?" So today for lunch I tried the soup.





Note that there is not one word about "spicy" or "hot" on the container except the red colour, both outside and once you pour the hot water on the soup packet. It just was a shock when I was not expecting it! It was actually quite good, with little shrimp and mysterious soft square things at the bottom of the soup. As for the heat, it made my nose run, but it didn't burn soooo badly. Much spicier than the PC chicken strips!

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I have been getting more stuff in the mail. Yay me!

These wool batts I received in the mail today from CherylAvenue on etsy. So lovely and soft and just a bit sparkly.



The next three items I received on Friday from LarkSpur Funny Farm on etsy. The first are tussah silk cocoons in a natural golden colour. No immediate plan for these yet.



Next is some honey coloured tussah silk roving. Soft and pretty!



Lastly is some beautiful coloured mixed roving with a bit of red sparkle. Wonderful!

Creativity

I have always had an artistic bent. Unfortunately, as a kid I was taught that being creative was ok, but it wasn't "practical". I was taught that you couldn't get a job with an art degree; you had to get a degree in something "practical" so at the end you would have a career. Somehow, along the way, I figured I would be a doctor. That's pretty practical. I did not mind the "icky" stuff, so that is what I decided my career would be. During high school, I took loads of science and math courses so I could get into med school. When I was going into grade 13, I realized that I did not have the drive to be a doctor. Uh oh, now what? What can I do with all these science courses? I have a couple of aunts who were nurses, so I thought: "I can be a nurse!" I got into nursing at the University of Western Ontario, where one of my aunts said they had a good nursing school.

I remember in my first year of nursing school that one of the other nursing students left the program to go into Math. Math? What can you do with a math degree, I thought. (I lost track of her and hope she is enjoying her life with math!) I still, obviously, was quite stuck in the "practical" mindset. Creativity and art were far off thoughts. Looking back, I hated nursing even in school, but I was also taught "You finish what you start", so I felt I had to finish nursing school. I got my degree and worked on the Burn Unit for almost 14 years. Yup, I still hated it. But, I had bills to pay and I was paid well and I was also pretty good at it (and I still liked the "icky" stuff).

In 2006, I had what you could call a "nervous breakdown". It wasn't pretty. I took time off work, hoping to get better enough to go back. Hubby knew I hated my job, so after much discussion, I decided to quit. Freedom!!! It was scary to quit and give up my licence. Nursing was something I could fall back on. But in all honesty, I would rather be saying "would you like fries with that?" than to ever go back to nursing.

I have been working hard at getting better. I have also had the gift of time. I am making time to explore my creativity and making it a priority. I am starting to discover what I enjoy creating. I am trying to figure out how I would like to express my artistic side, and make some money from it too. I have been crocheting, drawing, digitally drawing, making dolls, and painting. I am hoping that in 2008 I will find my creative calling(s). It is time.

Christmas in January!

The first of many, many purchases I have made on Etsy have started to arrive at my door.

This first pic is of dark brown/black fine merino roving from The Ranches Angoras. It is simply lovely and soft! It got here in great time. (In the pic, it looks quite brown, but it really is brown/black)



The next package I got is a necklace from Magnificent Obsession (aka) TheresaJ. It is Larvikite, silver and Labradorite. I love it!



I can hardly wait for the rest of my purchases to come. Squeeeeeee!

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I finished this baby blanket before Christmas for one of the women in my Friday group. Acrylic.

Anne's Year of the Bull

My holidays were lovely and peaceful. I hope yours were the same.

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2008 is going to be an interesting year. The past couple of years have not been so great for a number of reasons that I won't go into here. However, I feel I have turned a corner, and the future looks brighter than it ever did in the past. I have hope. I feel I may actually have a reason - a purpose for being here.

Right now, I declare 2008 Anne's Year of the Bull. I am a taurus, and this year my focus is on ME.





To figure out where I want to go, I feel like I need to know where I am and where I have been. In the next month or so, I am going to do a full self-assessment, where I look at every aspect of my life. What are my habits? What are my strengths and my weaknesses? What do I like and dislike? After I write all of that down, the next step is figuring out *why* I do/like/dislike/etc. certain things. What is truly important to me. I figure this will give me a lot of good info about myself. I also figure this assessment will take a while; a few weeks at least if I work on this a little each day.

After I gather all my info, then I will figure out where I want to go and how I am going to get there.

I am not sure if this will make sense to anyone but me, but blogging it makes me feel like I will require some amount of accountability. I will keep you updated with my progress.

I hope 2008 is a wonderful year for you, all my readers!

Happy New Year!

May 2008 be your best year ever. I have big plans for the next year, so keep tuned!

Something other than holiday news...

Hubby and I love the movie The Princess Bride. I guess I am...



Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

Merry Christmas!

A little musical joy for all:

Holiday baking

So, I have been spending the day doing some holiday baking. I made some brown sugar shortbread and some "Holiday Drops" with glace cherries, pecans and dates. I was thinking of taking a pic of them, but I am too pooped. These are "old fashioned" cookies, I guess. Sometimes, I just want old fashioned flavour; both cookies fit that bill. I will be giving most of them away, so I won't be eating them all, although I certainly have had a "taste" of both types tonight. I will probably be doing some more baking before Christmas: more cookies and a pecan pie. No calories, right? ;)

I did it!

Not that, silly. I made a pecan pie! I probably have mentioned it before, I love to bake. Pies, however, are not my forte. I don't make them enough to get proficient at them, and I have never made a pecan pie. The closest thing I have made to a pecan pie is butter tarts, and they were a dismal failure (never thickened). Hubby mentioned that he likes pecan pie, so I thought I would make one for Christmas. I wanted to do a trial run first, to make sure it would "work". I figure it must have tasted ok since there is no more left! I did manage to take a pic of the last piece:



Yummy!

It's the time of year for...

...over the top Christmas lights! Here is an oldie-but-goodie video...don't forget to turn your volume up!

More...uh...lace!

Lace motif at end of round 7.

It's beginning to look a lot...

like a Happy Winter Festival!



What can I say? They are paper snowflakes with glitter. I have also started simmering ginger, cinnamon, and cloves on the stove in a little pan with some water. It is even starting to smell wonderful around here!

Lace update

The start of row 7.

Happy Hannukah!

Happy Hannukah to all those who observe...

When the weather outside is frightful...

We got some snow today. A pic of the view out my front door...



Now, there is more snow and wind. I am missing the first KnitLondon group (from Ravelry) meeting tonight. I am sad :( as I really wanted to go. However, I will be there in spirit and hope to make the next meeting in January.

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Must crochet! I have started a vintage square motif...



This is the square at round 4. #10 crochet cotton and a 1.5mm hook.

Name generator fun

Your fairy is called Gossamer Moonshimmer

She is the moon goddess's messenger.

She lives in spiderwebbed wonderlands and insect grottos.

She is only seen when the first flowers begin to blossom.

She wears tiny black spiders on her dresses. She has beautiful blue butterfly wings.

Get your free fairy name here!

The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Angelique Spenser
Known in some parts of the world as:
Aphrodite of Beggars and Lepers
The Great Archives Record:
Amongst the lowest of the low you will find this one travelling.
Vampire Name Generator

Spiders and beggars and lepers, oh my!

And so I did it.

Yes, I did it. I posted every day in November, fulfilling the requirements for NaBloPoMo. Some of my last posts were a bit "meh", but I am proud that I did do it. Yay me!

Baby, it's cold outside

I know I live in the arctic tundra, but it has gotten really cold here. The wind is biting, too. The house feels chilly, even with the heat on, so I am snuggled in my winter housecoat and under a blanket. I realize it is almost December, but I am already tired of the cold.

I have also been feeling quite lazy lately. Been playing on Pogo a fair bit; it is a great time-waster. (No, this is not an ad) What can I say? Listening to tunes through the computer while playing video games is a sure way I can relax.

I think I am going to go and get a cup of tea, and snuggle up in front of the t.v. Sometimes (ok, a lot of the time) I just like to have a bit of R n' R.

Feeling snarky...

I was thinking of doing a post about gratitude. Don't get me wrong, I am blessed and have much to be grateful for. But there is a teeny little voice inside me saying: "I don't wanna be grateful! I wanna go shopping!" Ah, shopping. I used to love going shopping. Finding a cool *whatever* at a great price. Stopping for a snack. Just plain wandering around window-shopping. The last year has been quite tight since I have "been sick" and not working. My hubby has picked up the slack by working even harder.

I just get frustrated. I am tired. In some ways, I want the life I had "before" (to some extent). I know I am getting better. I am trying to get healthier. I am grateful just to have this chance.

The last hump-day of NaBloPoMo

Today is the last hump-day of NaBloPoMo. And for the first time for the whole month, I really don't have much to say. Went grocery shopping. Went to the dentist for a checkup. Made a pot roast and roast potatoes. Had a nap. Good Lord, do I ever live the high life!

I guess I just feel quiet and reflective and non-talkie. Hopefully, I will make a strong comeback and post some slightly more interesting things in the next few days!

Combining art and crochet

I did a bit of "brainstorming" on the weekend. Using the concept of crocheting on paper, I came up with this:



It is little, only 3"x4". Totally random and an exercise in layering colour and texture.

Thinking deeply

The past month or so has been kind of different. I feel like I am waking up after being asleep my whole life. Being asleep was not restful; it was that terror of feeling like you are falling punctuated by complete numbness. Even enjoyable things like holidays were terror-inducing. My inner world was one of constant self-doubt, self-hatred and unachievable perfectionism. I was the greatest actress; very few knew of my inner turmoil.

The last 18 months has been one of absolute exhaustion. The terror drained every bit of energy from me and I could do no more. I rested and slept. Just recently, I have realized I am not quite so exhausted. I have, for the first time, hope.

Doubt

Do you ever just wake up and be filled with doubt? Sometimes I think that all the "great ideas" that come to me while deep in thought are really just stupid. And maybe I am not really creative or talented. That maybe I am destined to live my life as a lump in front of the t.v., never to be productive or filled with energy. That the doubt is paralyzing me making me afraid to take a risk. I know I am rambling, but sometimes I just have to dump the crap in my brain somewhere, so that maybe there can be space for more positive thoughts.

Trying to find perspective...

I remember watching a program on t.v. about Lucian Freud, painter and grandson of Freud (yes THAT Freud). I love to see how "artists" work: their environment, their techniques, their passion. (I must qualify "artists". I feel anyone who is creative in anyway is an artist. Unfortunately, somehow I leave myself out of that label. I feel for Me to be an artist, I must slave diligently day after day on Art ie. painting or sculpture. Nevermind that I do many creative things; somehow I am never "good enough" or "dedicated enough" to be qualified as an "artist") (Ok, that had way too many quotation marks!). He painted Queen Elizabeth II, and I remember the uproar it caused.

I remember watching him paint these huge realistc portraitures that took literally a whole year to complete. It seemed to me that that was how I saw how *I* *should* be as an artist. But taking a whole year to paint a picture? I have never done anything everyday for a year (except breathe, eat, and do other basic functions). I am seriously impressed that I have posted every day in November, and I certainly would not call all my posts "deep" or "thought provoking" or even "interesting" (hello, post of this last Wednesday). I often get caught up in the *shoulds*, or *not enoughs* and get paralyzed. There is no way, I think to myself, that I can paint every day for a year (for years). And so I don't. Because in my brain, if I am not meeting some impossible standard for myself, then I just won't do it. And I am missing out. I love to create. I want to create. I just have to figure out how to be gentle enough with myself to be allowed to be an "artist".

A scarf for ME!

What can I say? It is a scarf. It is for me. So there.

Thursday is cold

Well, I guess winter is here. Winter is pretty, but I am not much for the cold. The snow from last week melted, but we got a little more of a dusting last night. Ice had made some beautiful patterns on our fence and gate, so of course I had to take some pics!





The snow stayed, but the ice melted in the sun...

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A Happy Thanksgiving to our neighbors to the south...

Highbrow Humpday

Yup, having a highbrow kind of evening. Dinner is mac n' cheese (with extra cheese slices melted in) and manwich. Watching "Cops" on t.v. Dessert will be peaches and mandarin oranges out of a can. Yup. We're living the high life!

Random Think-age

A while ago, there was a big discussion about patterns and how to acquire them (buying them, photocopying from the library...) The library! Had totally forgotten about the library! So off I went, to see what I could find. A surprising number of books were out, but I found a couple titles that looked promising. I found one called The Crocheter's Art; New Dimensions in Free-Form Crochet by Del Pitt Feldman. Sounds perfect! So I went to get it, and found out it was written in 1972! (Nothing new under the sun, eh?) Definitely inspiring! She goes through how to make some basic flat and 3D forms, as well as incorporating different items in your crochet art. One idea that really piqued my interest was sewing a simple line of stitching on leather, and then using that as your base chain and crocheting right into that. This spurred an idea on in my head: incorporating crochet in my abstract art by crocheting right onto the canvas! The possibilities are endless... happy sigh

Homemade Snow

Ok, so they are not really snow, but snowflakes. I crocheted them out of #10 crochet cotton and a 1.5mm hook. The penny is almost 2cm in diameter.



After doing these two little guys, I am getting more used to working on such a small scale. Thanks go out to my hubby, who bought me a lighted magnifying glass so I could work on them. Hopefully, there will be more to come!

Whew! Made it!

After crocheting for a total of 20 hours in a consecutive 50 hour period, I finished the two scarves!

The first is a scarf made out of Bernat Bamboo in Corn. It is a lovely creamy colour. It is very soft and smooth; it has almost a "cool" feeling to it. It was super fast to crochet: non-splitty, easy to work with, and nice to the touch. It has a good weight and drape to it. Done in dc, with a sc edging. About 5" x 64". This is for my SIL.



The next scarf is made out of Bernat Harmony in Black. It is acrylic, because I think my brother is allergic to wool. Sc with a sc edging. This yarn was a bit splitty to work with. I found it a bit hard to see the stitches as I was working, but that is not a fault of the yarn. Simple and classic. About 9" x 49". For my brother.



I included the care instructions from the ball-band with each scarf. I hope they like them!

No time to talk...

Must crochet, crochet, crochet! WAAAAAAAAAA! Will post pics of fo's when I can, hopefully tomorrow.

Look what I woke up to today...

Snow!



It's not too cold, so I am sure it will melt soon. Still, it is kind of pretty!

Danger, Will Rogers, Danger!

WAAAAAAAAA! I am having to crochet some emergency Christmas gifts by, umm, SUNDAY! I am in super-crocheter mode. I am making a couple of scarves. The first one is in Bernat Bamboo in Corn. Mmmmmm, is it ever lovely! I think it will turn out beautiful. Have not yet started the other one. Must go back to crocheting!

Wordless Wednesday

Me and my hubby

My loving hubby took the week off! It is a nice surprise. My poor hubby certainly needs the break, as he has been working a ton of overtime since I have been off work. We have nothing planned except my regular appointments, so it will be nice just to be together. I love you honey!

I'm making...

Snowflakes! With thread and a hooked piece of metal! I am learning patience and delayed gratification. Progress is slow, but I have already made one, and now I am on my second. Pics to come soon!

Relaxing Sunday

Today has been a simple, quiet day. Had a lovely restful nap. Ate home-made chili. Watched Cops on tv. And the rest of the evening will not be much different. A little crocheting. Some more tv. I truly am a wild and crazy guy!

My career in review

WARNING: Seriously icky/gross medical stuff to follow. Don't say I didn't warn you!

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I had said earlier this week that I am resigning from the College of Nurses here. Even though the pay was great, I was never meant to be a nurse: I truly hated it. I was also burnt out. The burnt out/hating it just finally did me in after 13 years. Lately, as this part of my life comes to an end, I have been thinking a lot about all the things I did/accomplished while being a burn/plastic surgery nurse.

I have taken care of so many people: women, men, babies, children, teens, adults and the elderly. I have seen wonderful results from surgeries. I have seen horrendous results of surgery. I have peeled blistered skin away from burn victims more often than I can say. I have done dressing changes that have taken literally hours. I have caused pain, because I knew "it" (whatever "it" was) had to be done, and the patient would get better. I have been thrown up on, peed on, pooed on, "horked" on, bled on, and have had various other body fluids on me. I have been yelled at, insulted, and ignored. I have laughed and cried with patients and staff. I have put tubes in body orifices. I have seen babies being born, and seen people die. I have yelled at doctors when they wouldn't listen to me. Doctors have told me that I did a great job. I have eaten my lunch while discussing icky wounds, burn dressings, and poop. I have taken care of patients with AIDS, Hep C, C. diff, MRSA, VRE. I have taken care of patients with flame (or anything hot, like ashphalt or concrete or oil) burns, scalds, electrocution, chemical burns. I have seen every part of the body burned, including eyeballs. I have given more medication than I can count, including narcotics. I have taken out more staples and sutures than I can count. I know what Pseudomonas aeruginosa smells like. I know what cancer smells like. I have taken care of patients with bed sores so large you could fit your hand in them and touch bone. I have seen patients with breast reductions, with implants, with tummy tucks, with face lifts. I have seen what happens when someone tries to commit suicide with a gun. I have seen the results of abuse. I have treated drug addicts who, when trying to shoot up, missed a vein. I have been kicked at and punched. I have had water fights with the nurses and patients with 60cc syringes in the hallway. I have shifts from "hell" and I have had very quiet shifts. I have gotten to know my co-workers and their families. Over the years, I have worked every holiday. I have brought turkey dinner in on Christmas Day when I was working. I have sung with patients while they were in the tub (Tom Jones on the CD player in the tub room was always a favourite). I have seen so many burn victims "walk out" of the hospital, and I know in my heart that I did my best to make them better, and they WERE better.

The people I have taken care of have all been so different. The great majority were kind, wonderful, understanding and reasonable people. Under difficult and trying conditions, they were true "troopers". Yes, there were a few people who got under my skin (both patients and staff). But they were a tiny minority. Generally, my patients left in better condition than when they came in. Unfortunately, I cannot remember them all, but a few will always have a place in my heart.

The staff? Well, I cannot say enough good things about them. Dedicated. Caring. Reliable. Honest. Hard-working. Caring. Detail-oriented. Caring. Oh yes, did I say caring? They cared not only about the patients but about their co-workers too. Birthdays were always remembered (both patients and staff!) They worried about Nurse Sally's ailing grandmother or Nurse Jill's son. They worried about you. As bad as the work sometimes was, someone "had your back" and you could depend on them at crunch time. Everyone worked extra shifts or overtime if they had to. I don't think I will ever find better people anywhere.

There is so much more I could say; like the hours of worry at home about a patient's condition, the worry about "did I do good enough?", or "did I forget something important?" But now, I never have to worry anymore. I can take a deep breath and say: "It is done. I don't ever have to do it again." I can finally, finally, take care of myself. I now need to be a nurse to myself.

Today, Anne feels...

crappy. So the post I was going to write today will be posted another day. Stay tuned!

Just some fun...

A couple of websites, found through The Happiness Project...

Visuwords

Passive-Aggressive Notes

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday roundup...

So, I watched the Star Wars movies last night. They were as entertaining and engaging as ever. I loved the one-liners that were peppered through-out. The one thing I hated was how they "updated" them: edited music and some of the characters (wtf?, I mean, it is like colourizing black and white movies! stupid idiots.) It was a nice evening anyway, I must say.

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I had mentioned that I made a little blanket out of the minky materials I got last week. Here it is:



I told you it was small! It is kind of a "security blanket" for me. Works too!

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I filled out my resignation from the College of Nurses today. I am ready for this. Finally, I can give a sigh of relief. Nursing is "over" now for me. Yay!

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Found this video through blog wandering. It's jaw-dropping over-the-top! BONUS POINTS: Can you identify the original singer of the song? Took me a minute or so...

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

Tonight on tv are all three of the "original" Star Wars. Flashback time...

Zoom back to 1977. A time of white leisure suits and bell bottoms. I was just a kid. No DVD's, VCR's, home computers or digital imaging. Movies were A Big Deal. When Star Wars came out, it blew everyone's mind. I had quite the crush on Mark Hamill, though I know a few of my friends had a thing for Harrison Ford (ahhhh, now I understand!). The time between movies seemed like an eternity. Definitely the LoTR of its time.

Now, I can watch them through the eyes of an adult. Catch the subtleties. So, I am off for evening of good movies. Let's see if they can stand the test of time.

Lovely Autumn

Autumn has been lovely here. The colours of the trees have been vibrant; gorgeous reds, oranges and yellows. Even though it is November, quite a few trees still have their leaves. The following pic is of a neighbor's tree.

Product Review- Italpasta Pasta (NOT paid review!!!!!!)

I have to reiterate, this IS NOT A PAID REVIEW!! When I find a good/cool/funky product, I have to spread the word!

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A while ago, my best friend Sindy and I were talking on the phone. She kept raving about this pasta (dry) named Italpasta. I kept thinking: "Pasta is pasta. What's the big deal?" I know I should listen to Sindy, because she and I like the same things, but still, it's frigging pasta, if you know what I mean.

In my house, pasta usually is spaghetti (or some other long, skinny pasta if I am cooking for both hubby and I as he prefers the long stuff)or macaroni (what I cook for myself if I am eating alone). It comes dry, in a bag, for cheapcheapcheap. I usually bought a brand name pasta like Unico, because that is what I grew up on. Generally I heat up Prego spaghetti sauce with green peppers and mushrooms (and sometimes add cooked ground beef or meatballs) and toss it on the pasta. If I am feeling really fancy, I might dig out the Parmesan and add a dusting of that. Pasta is not "a big deal" in our house. It's cheap, easy, and fills a hole. I love to cook, but to me, it is not worth it to make pasta as I would much prefer a steak or a roast.

So when I ran out of dry pasta, I thought I would try Italpasta. It is a bit more expensive per bag (about 30-50 cents). But what a difference! It had taste and texture and flavour!

Taste: Before, I had never really thought about how my pasta tasted; it was just a "delivery system" for the sauce. The taste difference between it and "regular" dry pasta is kind of like the difference between Wonder bread and artisan bread. Same ingredients, but totally different experience. It has a kind of bold "wheaty" taste. Do make sure you salt your pasta water, as this boosts the flavour.

Texture: Even al dente, my old pasta was kind of limp and mushy, but I could not cook it any less as then it would be crunchy. Not exactly what I was looking for. Italpasta is truly al dente. Firm to the tooth without sogginess. The texture was actually surprising (in a good way) to me. The old pasta I found I had to cook about 2 minutes less than the package suggested to get al dente. For Italpasta, I have to cook it about 2 minutes more than suggested. YMMV.

No surprise that I strongly suggest Italpasta.

Pros: Flavour! Taste! Texture!
Cons: Slightly more expensive. Takes a bit longer to cook. Well worth the effort.

So, unless you make your own pasta or live in Italy, skip the Starbucks once every couple of months and treat yourself. You'll be glad you did!

Pinky Minky

I got these pink minky materials earlier this week. They are soooo soft! Just like butter. I made a very small blanket out of some of it. Will post pics later.

This next pic is the last of a gorgeous sunset yesterday. It is so hard to believe it is already November! I love the way the sun is hitting the clouds...

NaBloPoMo

So, last night, I was wandering around Ravelry, when I saw a post about NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month). I went off to their website to have a look around. Looks cool, methinks. Maybe I could post everyday for a month on my blog! On the spot, I decided to do it. (Also, note the badge in the sidebar. It's clickable!)
Now, in the light of the morning, I am thinking: "What the hell? It's hard enough for me to do the stuff I need to do everyday, never mind something totally voluntary!" Ok, time to slow down and think this out. Nobody is saying I have to write a novel everyday. Hell, I am on the computer every single day, checking email, reading blogs, and generally wandering around. How hard will it be to write a few lines on my blog? Ummm, not too hard. I know I can blog (see, I'm doing it right now!), now is the time to try something a little different.
So, what do I want to "accomplish" by the end of the month? I know it won't be world domination, huge social commentaries, or deep and exposing personal assessments. Maybe I will try something new, like post a book review. Maybe I will learn something about myself, like when do I prefer to post (morning? evening?). And ya know what? Even if I don't "learn" anything new, well, I will have posted every day for a month, and that is good enough for me!

Happy Halloween Everyone!

I found this pic at this website. I have no affiliation with this site. I just go there daily for the giggles!

Mystery granny squares

Many moons ago, while I was in university, a roommate learned how to crochet. She was spitting out these huge blankets, and I thought I could learn too. So I went off to Lewiscraft (which is no more, unfortunately), and bought a book, a hook and some yarn.



Mystery yarn and granny squares...



Fast forward to today. I found some yarn in a bag, and at the bottom of the bag I found this yarn and some granny squares. I think I wanted to make a blanket, but I obviously did NOT get enough yarn. Some of the squares I can't use, because I cut the tail end waaaaaaay too short and there was nothing to weave in. The few squares that are left I decided to make another scarf. (Yup, here in the arctic tundra one cannot have too many scarves!) I did an invisible stitch to attach them, and am now in the process of adding a simple dc border. The gauge is all wonky and the squares are all different sizes, but I still like the yarn (and it still looks like new!), and I think it will turn out ok. Will post pics when done!

My Happy Scarf

The yarn was speaking to me, I tell ya. "Crochet me, crochet me" was its relentless cry. So off to Ravelry (which is still in beta testing) to look around. I found what seemed to be like an easy pattern by Pixeldiva and away I went.

The actual crocheting went pretty smoothly. Somehow, the width of my scarf is 2" as opposed to the stated finished size of 4". Oh well, I don't mind skinny scarves. I attached pompoms a la CrazyAuntPurl for an added happy touch.


That is a happy scarf, if I do say so myself.



I love my happy new scarf. Hmmm, now let's see what the rest of the yarn is trying to say to me...

Yarny goodness--on the cheap!

My hubby is just so wonderful. Yesterday, my hubby and I went to do some shopping and general wandering around. We ended up going to Michael's ("just to look" of course) and to do some "yarn touching". I happened to notice one of the clerks putting out some yarn on clearance for $1/skein. There was quite a bit of novelty yarn (i.e. eyelash and ribbon-style yarns), but I noticed in a bottom bin some worsted weight yarn. Upon closer inspection, it was Lion Brand Wool. There were two variegated styles, and a gray.
Gray! Hubby loves gray, and I want to make him a blanket. So with my eyelashes fluttering, I asked if we could get the gray as a starting point for his blanket. I got a "yes", then I asked about the variegated. He said: "Well, what would you make?" and I quickly replied "A scarf, of course!".
I got 10 skeins of gray and four of "Flower Garden" for $14.86; enough for a basic start on the blanket, and a scarf and maybe a small tote for me.



Look at that yarny goodness!


I know that the blanket will be "handwash only", but I still want to give it a go. Will keep you updated....

A GoodDay(tm)

Today was officially a GoodDay(tm). These days come so few and far between. After doing some housework, I decided to make some earrings.



The earrings on the left are clear quartz, and are also my first attempt at wire wrapping (yikes!). They are not perfect, but they will do. The earrings on the right are quartz and polymer clay beads. I like these better.

Yay for GoodDays(tm)!

Manamana...doo doo de doo doo

Now you're going to have this in your head allllll day!