Monday, November 26, 2007

Thinking deeply

The past month or so has been kind of different. I feel like I am waking up after being asleep my whole life. Being asleep was not restful; it was that terror of feeling like you are falling punctuated by complete numbness. Even enjoyable things like holidays were terror-inducing. My inner world was one of constant self-doubt, self-hatred and unachievable perfectionism. I was the greatest actress; very few knew of my inner turmoil.

The last 18 months has been one of absolute exhaustion. The terror drained every bit of energy from me and I could do no more. I rested and slept. Just recently, I have realized I am not quite so exhausted. I have, for the first time, hope.

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