I've been trying to sort things out since my meeting with the nurse practitioner earlier this week. All of a sudden, I have a diagnosis of Complex PTSD, and never realized that I needed a diagnosis of anything! I have needed to change my way of thinking about my life. It has been overwhelming and confusing and disorienting. I have been searching the internet for resources to help me with my disorder; I have found a bulletin board, but have not yet joined. I am still lurking there, waiting to see if it will be valuable to me or not. I have also been feeling like I need to try harder at "getting better" or building up my stamina. Unfortunately, when I do "try harder", I tend to get way over-tired, I dissociate or I start forgetting words or easy things like names of famous people. *Sigh* I am tired and overstimulated and exhausted and scared and I just don't know what to do anymore. My thoughts are jumbled and I feel like I am in a whirlwind of stress. Within all this, a tiny flicker of hope has started to burn inside me. Maybe I can be "normal" as I can be. The nurse seemed positive that I would be cured of my PTSD, something I can hardly believe. After years of feeling defective and broken, I can hardly hope to be whole.
I know this post hardly makes sense, but I just need to get my thoughts *out* and written down somewhere. I feel frustrated that I can't express myself like I want to.
I know I am at a turning point in my life. A big one. Maybe this post can be a guide post for me; when I look back I can see the path I have traveled.