I feel pretty...

This first pic is of the painting I did Thursday night. If you look closely, the collaged paper under the splatters is of the female reproductive system. It is from a book about the body written by Isaac Azimov (!) in the 1960's. It is called "Wounds of Memory I".


















This next pic is of some earrings I just made. The bottom beads are from BlueHeeler Beads on Etsy (freebies with my order!). The beads are a light caramel colour and have silver on the outside of the beads. The ear wires are sterling and the chain is sliver plate. They are about 2 1/2" long from the bottom of the ear wires. I don't normally wear long dangly earrings, but these I quite like and they make me feel pretty!

Today was...

...in one word, Shit. You see, dear reader, as part of my Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I have flashbacks which come in the form of body pain. I never know if a day will be painful or painfree, or even where the pain will be. Today was a painFUL-all-over kinda day. I am pretty sure the trigger was the painting I did last night, as I was focusing on some difficult memories for me. Not so smart, but oh well, I'm gonna bitch about it anyway. The kicker of the whole matter is that nothing I do takes the pain away; not pain meds or showers or baths or moving or resting. Resting is probably when I hurt the least, but I don't want to be a bump on a log. I want to live and enjoy my life. Any tips or techniques anyone can give to help me out would be most appreciated.

The most exciting thing I did today was update my "Blogs I visit" more. I am almost done. Got any good blogs (like yours!) I should visit? Leave me a comment!

Tonight will be a quiet one for me, just watching t.v. and crocheting my blanket (that I have been working on for three months!). I hope you have a good evening too, dear reader.

ETA: I have also added some new Links too! I do not get paid for having them in my links section. Enjoy :D

A bit of this, a bit of that

Thursday was not bad. I took some pics, did some painting, and did a daily sketch. Hopefully, I'll post pics tomorrow when I am a little more awake. I think the rest I took from being creative has ceertainly helped. I haven't done so much creative stuff in one day in a long time!

Just a little lazy...

...is how I have been feeling lately about most things, especially "creative"-type things. I feel like I am in a resting type of period; I still have ideas coming but I am just tired. I just want a rest from forcing myself to do things. So I kind of took the last week or so off; I haven't even been really doing much with my group homework. I don't feel guilty though. I seem to have more energy to get some physical yet mundane stuff done, like a bit of raking in the backyard while it has been so warm, or doing dishes or laundry. I think my brain needs to just rest and heal and maybe not workworkwork all the time. I am hoping this fallow time will lead to a more energized creative output. Here's hoping!



Unfortunately, I have no new art to show, so instead, for your entertainment, sleepy puppies!




Miscellany:

What am I listening to right now? Deva Premal ~~ Embrace. Her music is Indian mantras with a contemporary flair. Easy to listen to and, for me, uplifting, even though I do not follow the same spirtual path she does.

I am slowy but surely updating the "Blogs I visit" part of this blog to more accurately show all the blogs I visit on a pretty regular basis. Stay tuned for more new ones soon!

The "Wounds" project is not forgotten, just a bit on hold. It was just too difficult and hurtful to honestly look at my wounds. I do have a potential side-project that may come out of the idea. Again, stay tuned!

So what's a girl to do...

... when she is alone and bored? Why, make jewelry out of fabric of course! What, you say, fabric jewelry? Mais oui! I have been looking at cuff styles on Etsy and I knew I could make one from fabric. So I dug into my stash, pulled out some striped Amy Butler fabric and went to work. I added some double sided interfacing to give it some body, topstitched and added two coordinating buttons to close. Chic is now my middle name!





The Wonder Cuff of Doom!

Pretty...

I was getting ready this morning to go to my group. I looked in the mirror and realized that it had been a long time since I felt, well, pretty. For a long time, I only checked the mirror to make sure I didn't have toothpaste on my face, or to see how much weight I've put on (which is rather a lot). My self esteem has been pretty low for a while too. Now, it is well known that I am not exactly a girly girl; I don't wear make up and I don't wear skirts. I am quite comfortable in jeans or yoga pants and t shirts; my femininity is not dependent on what I wear. But I do wear jewelry, not a lot, but I do. I realized that I haven't even put in a pair of earrings for a long time. So, today, I made an effort, and put in some cranberry coloured pearl earrings, and, for a little while, felt just a bit more like a girl.

A Tuesday...

Today was one of those good day/bad day kind of Tuesdays. Good day: I got an awwwwwwesome package in the mail from Donna! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!! I got cotton yarn, a bamboo crochet hook (!), some lovely smelling foot soak salts, chamomile tea (X2!), and three amazing sketch-a-day kits! I did an abstract pen and coloured pencil drawing for my first day. I am also drinking the chamomile tea as we speak...mmmm! Bad day: I had some horrible flashbacks today. I also have been having a hard time getting to sleep, so I am hoping the chamomile tea will help!

During my wanders around the internet, I found the below post. Unfortunately, I don't know the original author as it was a cross post from another board. Here it is:

I am a Goddess.

I am responsible for my own happiness and pleasure.
I will let go of regret.
This is my life and I chose it.
I am in full command of my destiny.
I will not force memories upon myself that set me back.
I will look forward and anticipate my happiness.
I will live without regret.
I will embrace my gorgeousness, my magnetism, my magnificence, my effervescence.
I will surround myself with people who appreciate me and inspire me to go higher.
I will listen to great music.
I will continue to learn.
I will exercise.
I will spread joy.
I will have frequent orgasms.
I will put my pleasure first.
I will be captivating.
I am fabulous and I know it and I will be it.
I am unafraid and I am not a victim.
I will make things happen, I will shake things up.
I will make a difference.
I will follow through.
I will dance often and decorate myself.
I will let myself be happy.
I will have faith in the order of the world and
I will stake my place in it.

Because no one can do this for me.
I must do this for me.
I am for me...others will follow.

I hope the above inspires you as it has done me. Big thanks to whomever wrote it!

The mild weather continues here. I actually sat outside in the backyard for a bit this afternoon. It was lovely to get some fresh, if cool, air and listen to the birds sing. I can hardly wait to return to blogging outside!

The "wounds" project continues slowly. I did a bit more brainstorming and a few doodles. I even looked through Google Images for some inspiration. I next want to work with colour a bit.

I have been working brainstorming on my "wounds" project. It is somewhat rough going as it touches some deep nerves. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I know that expressing those feelings will give my work authenticity, but it is still hard and scary. I give myself permission to go slowly with this.

Spring is sprung...

It sure feels like spring here! It has been mild, and the snow is melting. I certainly don't mind! The wind still has a wintery nip, so I bet we will still have a bit more cold before spring is truly here.

I read this Empty Easel article recently. It really inspired me! I have been putting off my painting for a while now, and I needed some good direction to help me get over the hump of inertia. Although I don't plan on showing my work in a gallery any time soon, doing a series will give me some focus. I have canvases and paint. All I have to do is my research. My topic will be "Wounds" as they are something I have experience in both personally and professionally. I will start today by doing some brainstorming around the idea. Wish me luck!

My poor hubby is sick right now :(. He has a bad cough, the snuffles, sinus pain and plugged ears. Yes he did go to the doctor, and yes hes is on antibiotics. Get well soon, honey!

Thank you universe! Johnny Mo did finally call me.

Variety Monday

A miscellaneous variety of thoughts today...
Pic of bread I made a few weeks ago. I only just uploaded the pic today from our camera. It is buttermilk-honey bread made with my own two hands. It was really delicious and i will probably make some more this week.





This is the doll I finished on the weekend. It is hard to see, but she has silver-stitched-on hair, beads randomly hand stitched through her hair and in her abdomen/heart. The fabric has light pink swirls. I really like her! Her name is Goddess Love-Amid-Confusion.

My next projects are painting some small canvases and also trying my hand at mono-printing.

Last night, i heard a not-so-good noise from our furnace along with a burnt rubber smell. Yikes! I went to investigate, but couldn't really see anything. I got my hubby up, and he found a broken fan belt for the motor. Not bad, but not so good at midnight. Today was chilly in the house (got down to about 58F), but hubby got a new fan belt after work and saved the day. My hubby is my hero!

I am sending love out to my good friend Miz S, as she is having a really hard time right now. lovelovelove!

I am also sending a message out to the universe: Johnny Mo! Call me!!!

I admit it!

Yup, I admit it. I like sparkly things! I just finished a doll where I added some beads to her. Ooh! She is sparkly now! I will post pictures later, as it is waaaaaay to late right now.

In like a lion...

March is here already; it is so hard to believe. We had a snow/ice/sleet/rain storm today, so definitely March has come in like a lion. I have the mid-winter grumps; I guess I just want my life to be better, like, yesterday. Although I have not been so good about blogging lately, I have been good about being creative. There was only one day in the last few months that I have not done at least a small something creative. I feel proud that I am at least accomplishing something every day. Now, it would be nice if spring would get here already!

So i haven't posted in a bit because everything is in a holding pattern. I see the psych doc and nurse tomorrow, so we'll see what they say about me going back to work. Wish me luck!

An ok Monday

Today was just an ok sort of day. I started out strong; I actually walked on the treadmill again. But then I got so tired I took a nap and it was all downhill from there. I then just spent a quiet evening at home. Nothing earth shattering, but not so bad either.

Mindfulness Sunday

I am supposed to be working on mindfulness this week. Mindfulness means being present in the moment; living in the moment. So I sat and enjoyed a simple cup of hot chocolate. I took in the sweet aroma, enjoyed the creamy and slightly bitter taste, and felt the warmth run down my throat. It was amazing how at the start, my brain was going a million miles an hour: I was thinking about what I needed to do tomorrow, the laundry that needed to get done, crafting ideas, worries about my job. When I focussed on the hot chocolate, I let the whole experience take over my brain. By the time I was done, I felt better than I had for a while, like I had taken a mini vacation. I guess the stuff the professionals teach you does work, eh? :)

Not too bad a day

The buttermilk honey bread I made yesterday was awesome! Most of it is gone *blush* It was absolutely perfect: chewy crust, fine dense texture and easy to slice. Delicious too! I am a bit stiff from all the suff I did yesterday, so I took it a little easier today.

I did some dishes, played with some art work and ate bread ; ). It is lightly snowing here so it was a perfect day to stay indoors.

Friday Action

So I learned yesterday that people with PTSD often have trouble with action. In other words, they have a harder than average time to actually do something. For my whole life, I have been a "planner" and not a "doer". I get stuck in the dreaming stage of a project. It is extemely hard for me to do some things, even if they are pleasing or enjoyable. So what Joann had suggested yesterday was to be gentle with yourself but do one thing per day. I thought to myself that surely I could do one thing I want or needed to do per day? So today I did two things! I walked on the treadmil for ten minutes. Now that doesn't sound like a lot, but to me just getting there and doing it was huge! The other thing I decided to do is to make some bread. It is in the oven right now and I hope it is tasty! Now, you're probably wondering why I can't just "do it". There is something in my brain that is so hard to overcome, it's like climbing Mount Everest in your undies. I just *can't*. But today I proved that I *can*. I'm sure I won't pick such difficult (for me) goals everyday, but I will do something everyday. I have already been good at doing something creative everyday, so I have proven I can do it. I just have to keep the momentum up. Wish me luck!

Guess what? More photoshop pics

This is the original picture. The rest of the pics are my experiments with photoshop.

More photoshop

Ok, I'm liking photoshop!
I call it "Sunflower Artifact".