A GoodDay(tm)

Today was officially a GoodDay(tm). These days come so few and far between. After doing some housework, I decided to make some earrings.



The earrings on the left are clear quartz, and are also my first attempt at wire wrapping (yikes!). They are not perfect, but they will do. The earrings on the right are quartz and polymer clay beads. I like these better.

Yay for GoodDays(tm)!

Manamana...doo doo de doo doo

Now you're going to have this in your head allllll day!

Last flowers of the season...

Nasturtium:



Cosmos:

Amigurumi Mama

So, I finally tried my hand at amigurumi. Look! I made a bunny!




He wasn't too difficult, although the original pattern had some errors (like missing rows!) in it. But I figured it out, and I did it! I am now in the process of making an amigurumi octopus, pattern from Craftster.

The land of the FO's

For those not "in the know", FO's are Finished Objects. I have been living in the Land of FO's because I have been crocheting like crazy! I finished Scott's scarf that I posted about previously. It ended up simply gorgeous and soft. I was sad to finish it as the yarn was so luxurious to work with.

The next project I finished was the granny square blanket I started in January. This is the blanket I taught myself to crochet with. It is Red Heart Super Saver, and is about 55"X55". Notice the edging I did on it! I love my new blankie!



The last project I did was a small bag. I used this pattern, and used this gorgeous yarn, Paton's SWS in Natural Blue. The yarn was given to me by my cousin. It was lovely to work with! It is a self-striping yarn, as you can see. It is hard to tell scale, but the bag is a little taller than a can of pop. The bag is done mostly in sc, but the edge (which is a bit wonky) was done in reverse half-double crochet. Working in reverse was a challenge, but I did it! And here it is:





Now, I just have to decide what to do next!

A crocheting fool

DSCF0005.JPG
Originally uploaded by Boxerwing

I realize it is August in the northern hemisphere (and therefore summer), but winter IS just around the corner. So I decided to crochet my hubby a scarf. The wool is alpaca and merino. It is crocheting up beautifully; it has a lovely drape. Right now, it is 8" wide by 47" long, and I am half way through my last skein. I hope hubby likes it!

A painting

Last week, I felt the urge to pull my paints out.

I call it "Summer Memories". It is a bit washed out from the flash; it definitely looks better in person! It is reminiscent of piles of fresh veggies, hot sun in piercing blue skies, sunbathers, and fields of flowers. It makes me happy!

Mmmm...food!

Here is the pic I promised yesterday of my baked beans and cornbread...

Delicious!

Miscellany (...or can I have some cheese...)

...with my whine?

You see, yesterday I got stabbed with a steak knife, and it is all Scott's fault! I was making Scott some breakfast before he went in for night shift. I had to get a clean whisk out of the dishwasher. There was a steak knife sticking up out of the cutlery container, and, well, you can guess the rest. So it is Scott's fault because if he didn't need to eat, then I wouldn't have gotten stabbed! You follow?


Look at the horrific damage!
<~~


(I love you, hon, and I am expecting Get Well flowers soon! Just kidding....)

Other thoughts:

I am making homemade baked beans and corn bread for dinner. Yummy in my tummy! Pics later...

Rihanna's new video/song is annoying! The girl can sing, but NOT about Umbrellas. Geez!

Happy Hump Day everyone!

There and back again

On Saturday, hubby and I went over the border to do some shopping. Scott had to pick up a part for his car, so we decided to make a day of it.

We went shopping at a mall called "Great Lakes Crossings", and man, was it huge! They had a Bass Pro Shop which had every hunting implement known to man. We had lunch at The Rainforest Cafe which was delicious and quite an experience. I actually got to wander around Torrid, which is plus sized clothing (and also about 15-20 years too young for me!) We bought some decadent sheets at Bed, Bath and Beyond. These sheets are 600 count! It is like sleeping on butter, I tell you! We also got candles at Yankee Candle: Buttercream (my personal fav), Mandarin Cranberry (tart!), and MacIntosh and Peach (smells like a MacIntosh tastes!). I don't know that we would go back to this particular mall, but it certainly was fun.

We were almost ready to go home, when what did I spy but JoAnn's Etc.! I just had to stop in, even though I was dead on my feet. They had beautiful brocade fabric on sale for 60% off! How could I refuse?
Aren't they just delicious? I got 2 yards of the red, and 1 yard each of the blue and green. They were only $4 a yard! I don't know yet what I will do with them, but I am sure they will find a use.

After getting some Dove chocolate at Target, we made our way home. We had a great time, and it was nice for the two of us to have some time together.

Playing catch-up

So you may have noticed a large gap in my posts. Well, I have been BUSY! I had family and friends come down at the beginning of July, so I had to make sure the house was ready for guests. It took me a while, but the house was cleaned "enough". I know, visitors want to visit me, not my house, but the EasternEuropeanWoman(tm) part of me needed to make sure everything was ok.

My visitors brought me gifts!

On the left is a mug and moose that my friend Sindy bought me. She also got me a "Sewing with Nancy" book, lox, cream cheese and yummy bagels. On the right is a beret my cousin Donna knit and felted for me! Out of Noro, no less! I am not sure of the colourway, but it is stunning, and comfy too! I am wearing it as I speak, even though it is above freezing here in the arctic tundra. Donna's hubby, John, brought the fixings for his famous casserole, which was delicious and greatly appreciated. Donna also brought some Dove chocolate, as per request.

I know I enjoyed having everyone here, and this was the first time I really relaxed with visitors in the house. People ate when they wanted, slept when they wanted, went out when they wanted, and hopefully just had a good time. If you visit my cousin's blog (see under "Blogs I visit" ~~~~> Stitchin' and Bitchin'), one of her posts covers the yarn/fabric/bookshop/bead crawl we did here in London. I can hardly wait for next year to do it all over again!

Of course, life did not slow down after the visitors went home. I spent some time at Sindy's, helping her recuperate after laprascopic gallbladder surgery. Then, I had a week of doctor's appointments and tests. Hubby and I went away on Saturday, but that is a topic for another post.

I am just thankful that today is quiet. I might actually do some art!

Gratitude

In honour of all those who helped me through the last year...

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. Albert Schweitzer

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful. Buddha

A year in review...

The past year has been the most unusual one of my life. I certainly was at rock bottom this time last year. I was barely functioning, anxious, depressed, and in full-blown PTSD mode. This time last year, I was eating sausages and bologne sandwiches as that was all I had the energy to do. I could barely get out of the house without having major anxiety attacks. I was shaking and having vivid visual flashblacks regularly. I couldn't cope and I couldn't take care of myself. Thankfully, my family and my friends were there for me.

Although I am not completely better, I *am* much better. I can cook! Chili and grilled chicken and potato salad and homemade hamburgers and corn bread and white bread. I am crafting/being creative! I am 1 1/2 skeins away from finishing my very first crocheted blanket. I have sewn shorts and dolls. I have made earrings and a bracelet. I have painted and coloured and drawn. My puppies are getting attention again! I (can) clean! I have had guests stay at my house! I can get out of the house and do the stuff I need to without anxiety!

My PTSD is still affecting my life. I am more often than not in pain because I am having "body memory/flashbacks". Some days are harder than others. I get overwhelmed and exhausted easily. I have to take care of myself everyday. I take medications that make me very sleepy. My poor hubby has to put up with my whining when he himself is sore. I do hard work in therapy.

When all is said and done, I can't believe that I actually made it through the last year, with most of my marbles still intact (kind of). I know the future is going to be a long haul, but I can do it. (I know, enough of the cliches already!) I actually think the future could be fun. Here's hopin'!

Update on the boy...

Shadow is really doing great. He slept most of yesterday, and today he is back to his normal, whiny, annoying self. Yay for getting better!

Toothless wonder

Our poor Shadow had surgery today. He had a fistula (hole) in his gum that would not heal. So he had some x-rays and then had to have a tooth removed. The vet also found some extra hard gum tissue that he removed at the same time. He is now missing his left upper canine. Poor guy was wobbly when we took him home, but other than that he seems ok. He ate and drank, and peed and pooed, so at least that seems to be working. He is on antibiotics for ten days. Hopefully this is the end of his troubles!

Jewelry as therapy

Making jewelry is a good thing!

Don't mind me...

I am in a grumpy mood. Sigh-- I don't really want to be though. It's not like I have any reason to be grumpy; there is not much going on right now to make me grumpy. I am just in a generally pissy mood. Meh.

A pillow and a toe

I haven't been posting because a) I haven't been in the mood, and b) I have been crafting!

I have been crocheting in the evenings, but I won't post a pic because it looks pretty much the same as before, except bigger ;). I also have been sewing.
On the left, is a pillow made in a similar way to my last purse. I hand embroidered the "live with joy" on the front. I probably could do a little beading on it, but this was just a practice pillow, so I did not pre-iron it or anything. It stands on its own because it has a flat bottom. It is great to throw at my hubby! The "toe" on the right is a practice doll. I learned a lot doing this little doll. I learned about size and distortion, and why applique might be a little easier than trying to inset material (like on the face). I didn't finish it because it was just a learning experience, and, well, it looks like a deformed toe :D. I hope my next doll doesn't look like a finger or anything.

Fat is just a description

Found this gem at the joyouslybecoming blog. What do you think?

I made shorts!

I actually made a pair of shorts! I have never made a piece of clothing before, so I am thrilled at my accomplishment. They are made of the same light-weight denim that the purse in my previous post is of. I did "felled" seams (doubled stitched seams like on jeans) and altered the pattern to fit using calculations from a book I have. They are comfy, if a bit wide in the leg. I haven't taken any pictures yet, so maybe I will do so soon.

Some of the seeds I planted a couple of weeks ago are starting to leaf. I know for sure that there are nasturtium, but I am not sure if the other little plants are flowers or weeds. I'll have to wait and see. I am always bizarrely worried that the seeds I plant won't grow, so I am always excited and surprised when they do. Yay me and my green thumb!

New bag

Today was just the kind of day to stay inside: cool, overcast, drizzly. So I decided to make myself a summer purse. I used this tutorial on Craftster to make a "Jordy" bag.




The outside is a floral embroidered denim and the inside is patterned cotton. It also has pockets inside and on the back. It only took me about three hours to do. Yay me!

Rain Storm

I love rain storms. I like it all: the smells, the sights, the sounds. We had a storm today and I felt I just needed to write about it (hello Ms. Muse!)

I sat on my porch in the old cracked green plastic Muskoka chair we have had for years. Our porch is old and comfortable: the roof leaks some but will still protect, the floor is flaking, warped wood slats. It is open on two sides and it faces west. The brick of my house was at my back.

I knew a storm was brewing: the sky was darkening over our neighbours' houses across the street, the temperature cooled and birds ominously stopped singing. The dark, cold silence was piercing.

Suddenly, the wind started whipping up a fury: trees bowed to its force and a lone bird looking for shelter was blown off course. Rumbling thunder rolled towards me from a long distance; muted but growling. The voice of Nature drowned out man-made noises; cars were muffled and sirens quieted. It grew darker; the air felt pregnant and vibrating, acknowledging the potential of Nature's fury and cleansing. A few hard rain drops fell; a staccato trumpet-flare announcing the arrival of change. The rain abruptly stopped and the atmosphere was filled with roaring anticipation. It felt as though Nature were balancing on a pin, waiting for the breath of a butterfly to unbalance it into the unbridled swirl of a storm. It grew darker. The wind howled and thunder rolled. Trees lashed back and forth in an slashing dance. The rain came. It pelted the ground and looked like violent ribbons of mist dancing to the music of the force of the wind. Sheet after sheet of rain traveled down the road, gliding off as need arose to find its own path. It rained and rained and rained.

I wanted to stand in the biting rain, arms outstretched to the sky, head back while my clothing whipped around me, like a Goddess of old, controlling Nature for her own desires. I was not a Goddess; I could not control Nature any more than I could return an oak tree to the acorn of its birth. I sat, dry, yet connected, the pulse of the storm like my own.

A sudden branch of lightning gave me a start. It brought with it the smell of ozone which mingled with the other smells of wet earth, damp cloth, and fecundity. Electricity punctuated the apex of the storm; Nature's strength in the pin point of explosion.

The rain gradually slowed then stopped, dripping like an almost-shut tap. A twist to the tap and the rain stopped. The wind gasped, then returned to an easy wafting. The sky brightened and softened. Noises returned to normal, clear and sharp. The world smelled fresh and crisp. It was like a new day dawning.

I gently stood, opened my door, and entered my house.

Umm, yeah.

Whoopsie. Haven't posted in a while. However, I have been busy around the house, so it's a good thing. This is also the inaugural post from my backyard for the season. Here's to posting in the great outdoors!

Over the past week, I planted a whole bunch of seeds and plants in one of my side gardens in my backyard. I am hoping by the time I have relatives/friends over in July we will have something pretty to look at. I did plant stuff a wee bit early for my zone, but we have had such hot weather, the ground has definitely warmed. Of course as soon as I planted, the temps. around here dropped dramatically. Now let's hope that the weather stays nice for another week and things should be ok.

I also took a fused glass course about two weeks ago. This is the plate I made! Although I was not involved in the firing, I still had loads of fun. . It is an expensive hobby (i.e. glass, and a kiln or two, or paying for kiln time), but I hope that maybe, just maybe, glass fusing is something I will be able to do in the future. My instructor, Paul was absolutely fantastic! He was patient, helpful, and just plain cool. Gotta love a cool instructor.

I also had my first individual counselling appointment today. My therapist is Joanne, whom I have spoken of before. This feels like a good fit, and I feel extremely fortunate to be able to go through this process with her.

I have been feeling kinda funny lately. The only way I can describe it is as "JOY". It's not exactly happiness, but a kind of positive welling up from the inside. I feel like (as Joanne put it) my body is smiling. I don't know quite why, but I am just going to go with it. How can I not? :D

I wish you "JOY" in your life, too...

I did it!

Yes, I quit my job. I'm not sad, but I will miss my fabulous co-workers. This was a decision that took a lot of thought and discussion with my hubby and my friends. Although there were aspects of my job I really enjoyed, mostly I hated what I did. I feel happy and energetic about my decision. The way I look at it, I am opening space in my life for the things I want! Wish me luck in the new direction my life is taking!

Happy Birthday to Meeeee... and some other stuff

Yesterday was my birthday. Yay me! I love birthdays! I had a wonderful day with my hubby. I got a SARK book about creative dreams and a class on glass fusing. I am so excited with both!

As I was sitting at my kitchen table, I noticed the interesting objects before me. See pic <~~~ . The coloured pencils I have been using to colour a mandala. The mug is from a local artist and one I often drink my tea from. The compass is representative of me finding my direction in life (but was actually being used by hubby to set up a satellite dish). The journal is the altered book WIP. The lighter is for the candle in the silver bowl which I light in honour of my muse whenever I am going to create for a few hours. The far right paper is measurements for my hubby's slippers. This picture is a good snapshot of my life right now. Cool! And yes, that is a bottle of wine in the background. Woohoo!

Whoops!

Hmmm...whoops. Haven't posted in a while. Will do so soon!

The pic of "wounds" project

Woot! Here is the pic of my latest "wounds" project. It is called "Wounds of Memory II"

Continuing with "wounds" project

I have had a piece of art for the "wounds" project in my head for a while now. I finally worked on it tonight, and it came out very close to how I imagined it would (can't post a pic because blogger is giving me trouble :( ).

After finishing, I still felt restless but creative. So I pulled my gel medium back out and started to do an altered book. Do I know what I am doing? Ummm, not really, but I did have a lot of fun. Now I am pooped but my muse is content. Gotta keep the muse happy, dontcha know!

Hmmm...

So I was over at Tealeaves again, and I got this reading for the second time this week:

Reading No. 20

When you come to the edge of all the light you have and must take a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will happen to you: either there will be something solid for you to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.

Do you think the universe is trying to tell me something?

It's Friday the 13th!

Ooh! It's Friday the 13th! Here in Ontario, Friday the 13th is especially special to motorcyclists. They all converge on Port Dover, rain or shine, snow or sun. This sleepy little town on Lake Erie gets thousands of bike riders that day. I have been once and it really was a sight to see. Hope your day was good and nothing untoward happened!

Spring has sprung (kind of) and I have started some spring cleaning. Yesterday I cleaned out a closet and today I replaced the screen on our front door and started on the bathroom. Note the job I did as well as my puppies. I just can't resist adding gratuitous pics of my pups whenever I can! Note that our mail box is not lit; we have some reflective material behind our house number so you can see it. Poor Shadow always looks like a "devil dog" when we take his pic with a flash!

After the stuff I did today, I had a nice long soak in the tub, with Enya drifting up from my downstairs computer and a can of pop at my side. From the bathtub, I could see a bit of a maple tree out the bathroom window. Its lightly budded branches were waving in a gentle breeze and almost seemed to be bobbing to the music. I know that is not possible, but in that one instant, it seemed that the music, the tree and I were all connected in a very deep way. The moment passed, but it was just nice to feel a connection to the world around me through my senses: the gentle harmonies of the music, the warmth of the water, the scent of the bubbles, the dancing branches against a deepening blue sky.

I sometimes wonder if I am weird, noticing these tiny moments of life. I feel maybe I should be focusing on larger things. These little moments, though, feed my soul. And that is exactly what I need.

Internet meanderings...

Lately I have been wandering around the internet, poking in dusty corners and seeing what is there. Some of the sites I have been to are interesting...

Soul Food Cafe is a wonderful, labyrinthine and impressive site. It is geared towards writers and encouraging daily writing. Even though I am more of an artist than a writer, I found the site fascinating and helpful. Some of the weekly writing prompts are in the form of "Grand Tours"; one very similar to what upper-middle class men would do in Europe, and another in the form of a fantasy world called Lemuria. The Grand Tours are just a small part of this site. I just don't have the words to describe this site accurately! There are some dead links, but that doesn't diminish the overall effectiveness of the site. I am also not sure how active some of the forums are as the few I poked my nose into had very old posts. However, it is a truly a magical site. You can easily get lost in the site and spend a LOT of time wandering, which I fully admit I have done recently. I highly recommend this site.

Tealeaves is a cute, but accurate, tea leaf reading page. Try it, you'll like it!

Sandart is a fun time-waster. Make your own sand art!

Reasonably Clever is another great time-waster. Lego-lover (yes, Lego!) or not, I'm sure you can find something here to interest you. Make a Mini-mizer version of yourself or someone else, or read through the tarot decks made up of scenes of Lego.

Have fun; I know I did!

Donna, I did it!

My wonderful cousin Donna recently sent me a lovely package in the mail. It included a fabulous bamboo crochet hook and very cool tri-colour cotton yarn in fuschia, green and orange. I was so hesistant to use the yarn as I am a total crochet newbie; what if I screw it up? Anyway, this weekend I took the plunge and made (drumroll please: brrrrrrrrrrr ting!) a facecloth!

So, I think I messed up the first few rows as I think I missed some stitches, but I don't think I did too bad for a beginner. I used a basic half-treble stitch. Notice the very chic hanging loop! The cotton yarn is much different than acrylic; it has much less-to-no give. I had to adapt my tension to be able to actually get the hook through the stitches. All in all, I'm pretty proud of it!

It was a quiet weekend around here. Hubby had Friday off, so it was nice to have him home for a long weekend. We pretty much stayed close to home. Easter Sunday we just stayed in our jammies and ate yummy Easter chocolate! Mmmm... bunny ears! If you observe, I hope you had a Joyous Easter.

We rented the documentary Shut Up & Sing by the Dixie Chicks. Hubby and I both like the Dixie Chicks, even though neither of us listen to "country". Although I did not learn anything earth shattering in it, it definitely was interesting to see the differing actions of Americans to Natalie Maines' comment. As a Canadian, I found some of the reactions incredible. I'd give this documentary 7/10.

I woke up today grumpy and restless (maybe coming down from sugar overload?). I am going to try and channel some of that energy into something creative. I have been mulling around another painting in my head. Today would be as good a day as any to start it.

WTF?

Ya, ya I know. It is still early April and I know snow is not that uncommon this time of year, but geez. The last few weeks have been so beautiful that I thought spring was here for good. Oh well...

How to paint?

How to paint?
Take Brush in hand.
Dip Brush in Paint.
Put Brush on Canvas.
Have Fun.
That's it.
"The Birds And The Beans"
Copyright 2007 Brenda Johima

I think I over-think painting too much!

Emotions

Today my emotions have been running the gamut. I started out feeling down on myself; you know, the "I feel fat and therefore hate the world" feeling. Then my mood picked up and I didn't feel too bad: the "crocuses are in bloom and spring is here and the birds are chirping" feeling. Now I am in the "I hurt all over" feeling, and I think it is here for the evening. So I have great plans: I will crochet my huge-o blanket while I watch t.v.

Miscellany:

My doctor wants to rule out any organic causes for some of my pain, so he is sending me for some tests. We'll wait and see.

It is maple syrup season here in the great white north. We got some maple flavoured cookies from the store and boy are they yummy! Me, the sweet-a-holic can only eat one at a time, they are that rich.

Happy Passover to all those who observe. This year in Jerusalem!

I am trying out Mozilla Firefox. So far, I like it. I am having less issues than Safari. Any tips, tricks or suggestions are greatly welcome!

I feel pretty...

This first pic is of the painting I did Thursday night. If you look closely, the collaged paper under the splatters is of the female reproductive system. It is from a book about the body written by Isaac Azimov (!) in the 1960's. It is called "Wounds of Memory I".


















This next pic is of some earrings I just made. The bottom beads are from BlueHeeler Beads on Etsy (freebies with my order!). The beads are a light caramel colour and have silver on the outside of the beads. The ear wires are sterling and the chain is sliver plate. They are about 2 1/2" long from the bottom of the ear wires. I don't normally wear long dangly earrings, but these I quite like and they make me feel pretty!

Today was...

...in one word, Shit. You see, dear reader, as part of my Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I have flashbacks which come in the form of body pain. I never know if a day will be painful or painfree, or even where the pain will be. Today was a painFUL-all-over kinda day. I am pretty sure the trigger was the painting I did last night, as I was focusing on some difficult memories for me. Not so smart, but oh well, I'm gonna bitch about it anyway. The kicker of the whole matter is that nothing I do takes the pain away; not pain meds or showers or baths or moving or resting. Resting is probably when I hurt the least, but I don't want to be a bump on a log. I want to live and enjoy my life. Any tips or techniques anyone can give to help me out would be most appreciated.

The most exciting thing I did today was update my "Blogs I visit" more. I am almost done. Got any good blogs (like yours!) I should visit? Leave me a comment!

Tonight will be a quiet one for me, just watching t.v. and crocheting my blanket (that I have been working on for three months!). I hope you have a good evening too, dear reader.

ETA: I have also added some new Links too! I do not get paid for having them in my links section. Enjoy :D

A bit of this, a bit of that

Thursday was not bad. I took some pics, did some painting, and did a daily sketch. Hopefully, I'll post pics tomorrow when I am a little more awake. I think the rest I took from being creative has ceertainly helped. I haven't done so much creative stuff in one day in a long time!

Just a little lazy...

...is how I have been feeling lately about most things, especially "creative"-type things. I feel like I am in a resting type of period; I still have ideas coming but I am just tired. I just want a rest from forcing myself to do things. So I kind of took the last week or so off; I haven't even been really doing much with my group homework. I don't feel guilty though. I seem to have more energy to get some physical yet mundane stuff done, like a bit of raking in the backyard while it has been so warm, or doing dishes or laundry. I think my brain needs to just rest and heal and maybe not workworkwork all the time. I am hoping this fallow time will lead to a more energized creative output. Here's hoping!



Unfortunately, I have no new art to show, so instead, for your entertainment, sleepy puppies!




Miscellany:

What am I listening to right now? Deva Premal ~~ Embrace. Her music is Indian mantras with a contemporary flair. Easy to listen to and, for me, uplifting, even though I do not follow the same spirtual path she does.

I am slowy but surely updating the "Blogs I visit" part of this blog to more accurately show all the blogs I visit on a pretty regular basis. Stay tuned for more new ones soon!

The "Wounds" project is not forgotten, just a bit on hold. It was just too difficult and hurtful to honestly look at my wounds. I do have a potential side-project that may come out of the idea. Again, stay tuned!

So what's a girl to do...

... when she is alone and bored? Why, make jewelry out of fabric of course! What, you say, fabric jewelry? Mais oui! I have been looking at cuff styles on Etsy and I knew I could make one from fabric. So I dug into my stash, pulled out some striped Amy Butler fabric and went to work. I added some double sided interfacing to give it some body, topstitched and added two coordinating buttons to close. Chic is now my middle name!





The Wonder Cuff of Doom!

Pretty...

I was getting ready this morning to go to my group. I looked in the mirror and realized that it had been a long time since I felt, well, pretty. For a long time, I only checked the mirror to make sure I didn't have toothpaste on my face, or to see how much weight I've put on (which is rather a lot). My self esteem has been pretty low for a while too. Now, it is well known that I am not exactly a girly girl; I don't wear make up and I don't wear skirts. I am quite comfortable in jeans or yoga pants and t shirts; my femininity is not dependent on what I wear. But I do wear jewelry, not a lot, but I do. I realized that I haven't even put in a pair of earrings for a long time. So, today, I made an effort, and put in some cranberry coloured pearl earrings, and, for a little while, felt just a bit more like a girl.

A Tuesday...

Today was one of those good day/bad day kind of Tuesdays. Good day: I got an awwwwwwesome package in the mail from Donna! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!! I got cotton yarn, a bamboo crochet hook (!), some lovely smelling foot soak salts, chamomile tea (X2!), and three amazing sketch-a-day kits! I did an abstract pen and coloured pencil drawing for my first day. I am also drinking the chamomile tea as we speak...mmmm! Bad day: I had some horrible flashbacks today. I also have been having a hard time getting to sleep, so I am hoping the chamomile tea will help!

During my wanders around the internet, I found the below post. Unfortunately, I don't know the original author as it was a cross post from another board. Here it is:

I am a Goddess.

I am responsible for my own happiness and pleasure.
I will let go of regret.
This is my life and I chose it.
I am in full command of my destiny.
I will not force memories upon myself that set me back.
I will look forward and anticipate my happiness.
I will live without regret.
I will embrace my gorgeousness, my magnetism, my magnificence, my effervescence.
I will surround myself with people who appreciate me and inspire me to go higher.
I will listen to great music.
I will continue to learn.
I will exercise.
I will spread joy.
I will have frequent orgasms.
I will put my pleasure first.
I will be captivating.
I am fabulous and I know it and I will be it.
I am unafraid and I am not a victim.
I will make things happen, I will shake things up.
I will make a difference.
I will follow through.
I will dance often and decorate myself.
I will let myself be happy.
I will have faith in the order of the world and
I will stake my place in it.

Because no one can do this for me.
I must do this for me.
I am for me...others will follow.

I hope the above inspires you as it has done me. Big thanks to whomever wrote it!

The mild weather continues here. I actually sat outside in the backyard for a bit this afternoon. It was lovely to get some fresh, if cool, air and listen to the birds sing. I can hardly wait to return to blogging outside!

The "wounds" project continues slowly. I did a bit more brainstorming and a few doodles. I even looked through Google Images for some inspiration. I next want to work with colour a bit.

I have been working brainstorming on my "wounds" project. It is somewhat rough going as it touches some deep nerves. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I know that expressing those feelings will give my work authenticity, but it is still hard and scary. I give myself permission to go slowly with this.

Spring is sprung...

It sure feels like spring here! It has been mild, and the snow is melting. I certainly don't mind! The wind still has a wintery nip, so I bet we will still have a bit more cold before spring is truly here.

I read this Empty Easel article recently. It really inspired me! I have been putting off my painting for a while now, and I needed some good direction to help me get over the hump of inertia. Although I don't plan on showing my work in a gallery any time soon, doing a series will give me some focus. I have canvases and paint. All I have to do is my research. My topic will be "Wounds" as they are something I have experience in both personally and professionally. I will start today by doing some brainstorming around the idea. Wish me luck!

My poor hubby is sick right now :(. He has a bad cough, the snuffles, sinus pain and plugged ears. Yes he did go to the doctor, and yes hes is on antibiotics. Get well soon, honey!

Thank you universe! Johnny Mo did finally call me.

Variety Monday

A miscellaneous variety of thoughts today...
Pic of bread I made a few weeks ago. I only just uploaded the pic today from our camera. It is buttermilk-honey bread made with my own two hands. It was really delicious and i will probably make some more this week.





This is the doll I finished on the weekend. It is hard to see, but she has silver-stitched-on hair, beads randomly hand stitched through her hair and in her abdomen/heart. The fabric has light pink swirls. I really like her! Her name is Goddess Love-Amid-Confusion.

My next projects are painting some small canvases and also trying my hand at mono-printing.

Last night, i heard a not-so-good noise from our furnace along with a burnt rubber smell. Yikes! I went to investigate, but couldn't really see anything. I got my hubby up, and he found a broken fan belt for the motor. Not bad, but not so good at midnight. Today was chilly in the house (got down to about 58F), but hubby got a new fan belt after work and saved the day. My hubby is my hero!

I am sending love out to my good friend Miz S, as she is having a really hard time right now. lovelovelove!

I am also sending a message out to the universe: Johnny Mo! Call me!!!

I admit it!

Yup, I admit it. I like sparkly things! I just finished a doll where I added some beads to her. Ooh! She is sparkly now! I will post pictures later, as it is waaaaaay to late right now.

In like a lion...

March is here already; it is so hard to believe. We had a snow/ice/sleet/rain storm today, so definitely March has come in like a lion. I have the mid-winter grumps; I guess I just want my life to be better, like, yesterday. Although I have not been so good about blogging lately, I have been good about being creative. There was only one day in the last few months that I have not done at least a small something creative. I feel proud that I am at least accomplishing something every day. Now, it would be nice if spring would get here already!

So i haven't posted in a bit because everything is in a holding pattern. I see the psych doc and nurse tomorrow, so we'll see what they say about me going back to work. Wish me luck!

An ok Monday

Today was just an ok sort of day. I started out strong; I actually walked on the treadmill again. But then I got so tired I took a nap and it was all downhill from there. I then just spent a quiet evening at home. Nothing earth shattering, but not so bad either.

Mindfulness Sunday

I am supposed to be working on mindfulness this week. Mindfulness means being present in the moment; living in the moment. So I sat and enjoyed a simple cup of hot chocolate. I took in the sweet aroma, enjoyed the creamy and slightly bitter taste, and felt the warmth run down my throat. It was amazing how at the start, my brain was going a million miles an hour: I was thinking about what I needed to do tomorrow, the laundry that needed to get done, crafting ideas, worries about my job. When I focussed on the hot chocolate, I let the whole experience take over my brain. By the time I was done, I felt better than I had for a while, like I had taken a mini vacation. I guess the stuff the professionals teach you does work, eh? :)

Not too bad a day

The buttermilk honey bread I made yesterday was awesome! Most of it is gone *blush* It was absolutely perfect: chewy crust, fine dense texture and easy to slice. Delicious too! I am a bit stiff from all the suff I did yesterday, so I took it a little easier today.

I did some dishes, played with some art work and ate bread ; ). It is lightly snowing here so it was a perfect day to stay indoors.

Friday Action

So I learned yesterday that people with PTSD often have trouble with action. In other words, they have a harder than average time to actually do something. For my whole life, I have been a "planner" and not a "doer". I get stuck in the dreaming stage of a project. It is extemely hard for me to do some things, even if they are pleasing or enjoyable. So what Joann had suggested yesterday was to be gentle with yourself but do one thing per day. I thought to myself that surely I could do one thing I want or needed to do per day? So today I did two things! I walked on the treadmil for ten minutes. Now that doesn't sound like a lot, but to me just getting there and doing it was huge! The other thing I decided to do is to make some bread. It is in the oven right now and I hope it is tasty! Now, you're probably wondering why I can't just "do it". There is something in my brain that is so hard to overcome, it's like climbing Mount Everest in your undies. I just *can't*. But today I proved that I *can*. I'm sure I won't pick such difficult (for me) goals everyday, but I will do something everyday. I have already been good at doing something creative everyday, so I have proven I can do it. I just have to keep the momentum up. Wish me luck!

Guess what? More photoshop pics

This is the original picture. The rest of the pics are my experiments with photoshop.

More photoshop

Ok, I'm liking photoshop!
I call it "Sunflower Artifact".

Mmmm...photoshop!

So I've been playing with photoshop. I am quite the newbie to photoshop, so I've just been playing with all the fun filters. See what I did!

Happy Heart Day!

Happy Heart Day everyone! And an especially warm Happy Heart Day to my hubby. I love you!

Let it snow... some place else!

We're expecting about 4" of snow here tonight, the land of icy tundra and igloos. Hooray for February snow (not). I really don't mind snow; it's the cold and *excessive* snow that irks me.
Today is just not a great day (whine alert). I'm sore, I'm grumpy, I'm tired. I'm worried about my future. Wah, wah. Same s#it, different day. I just want to be better already.

Monday

Ya know, i just don't have anything to say today. See ya tomorrow!

WIP weekend

So I didn't post yesterday because I have a quiet (read deleriously boring) life. I stayed in, crocheted and watched t.v. Made some no-bake cookies. Stayed in my jammies. Although today is going to be pretty much a repeat of yesterday, I thought I could at least add a pic of my crochet wip blanket.
It's getting there. I am on my fourth skein of yarn. I am pretty impressed that I have continued to work on it. It's maybe not going as fast as I would like, but I am doing my best. I feel I am doing a pretty good job; it is relatively neat and the stitches are close to being the same. Yay me and my blankie!

Just a quiet day...

It was a very quiet day today. I just stayed home, had a nap, drank tea, played with the dogs and crocheted some. My hubby was home today too, and it was so nice to just have him near.

I have also been doing my homework for my group. They say you get out what you put in, and I am trying my best right now.

Where did Wednesday go?

Whoops, forgot to post yesterday. I only crocheted about 1/2 a side of my blanket. I also made some molasses cheerio clusters (sounds weird but are yummy).

Today was ok, in a good way. I went to my group and got a bit of info about what to do about my pain. Joann (the nurse clinician) suggested to move around, try a soak with epsom salts and lavender, and to write at the top of a page "what is my pain trying to tell me?". The actual group was good and interesting; we learned about the definitions of trauma and PTSD. We also got a little more homework. I am supposed to focus on feeling a piece of fleece or rubbing a river stone; this is supposed to slow down and soothe my right brain. I don't know about it, but I will do it to get better. Afterwards, hubby and I went for tea :D Yumm-O! We then went to a very cool bead store where I bought some nice red and pink beads. Oooh, shiny! All in all, not too bad a day at all! I have plans to do a bit of crochet in front of the t.v. tonight.

It is Tuesday

Ooh..today I was sore, sore, sore. I think I can feel every tendon and ligament in my body. But I still accomplished some things today: I crocheted, I read, I did some dishes and cut both my doggies' toe nails. Umph. I am pooped.

Truth in clover

I've been feeling a little better lately, so I thought I would try to read a novel. I have always love to read, and my decreased concentration made it too diffficult to do any kind of reading. I found a copy of The Prince Of Tides by Pat Conroy hanging around in my spare bedroom, so I thought I would give it a go. This is the book that was made into a movie with Barbara Streisand and Nick Nolte. I remember seeing the movie, but all I can remember is Nick Nolte crying in Babs' arms. For some reason, it seems important to remember the plot, but I can't.
The writing is a little tough sometimes, and I have to go back and read a fair bit, but I am doing ok so far. Some of the writing is so beautiful. One passage that struck me was:
"But in the unconscious, I began to encounter both wild fruit and vast undisciplined vineyards. I tried to censor the superfluous or the commonplace, yet I knew large truths lay hidden in the clovers, sweet grasses, and wild mint." This passage struck me profoundly, like somehow my truths are laying in clover too.
My unconciscous is holding my memories; painful ones. Sometimes I see a glint of a memory, like a fleeting fish under flowing water. I wish I could either remember or forget and not be in this painful no-man's land.

Baby, it's cold outside!

Yikes! It's very cold outside here~~ like -27C with windchill! Blech, I hate the cold. It's a good thing that I have been crocheting my hands to the nubs making a blanket. Right now it is slow going, as the bigger the blanket, the larger the rounds I am doing. Hopefully I get it done before spring comes!

It certainly has been quiet here; just staying inside and vegging while crocheting. It's all good. I have a quiet week ahead too, so it looks like crochet and doing some art are in my future. Yay me!

It's Friday!

Today was a quiet kind of day. I did a little art, did a little crochet and talked to Miz S. I surfed the internet a bit too, and found some neat blogs and websites.

It snowed today too and was quite windy. I guess winter is here, but the groundhogs here in Canada say that we will have an early spring. I sure hope so!

Mmm... cookies!

Anyone who knows me knows I love to bake. I will bake anything: cookies, cake, pie, bread. There's not too much that intimidates me when it comes to baking. As I am trying to become more active in life, I have been falling back on baking nto get me back in the groove. I have been doing simple cookies for now.

These are a very simple brown sugar drop cookie with chocolate chips and raisins. The dough was easy to use and they taste great! The recipe also made a whole bunch, so I will be able to stick some in the freezer for a later date.

Ever hopeful, Shadow always asks:"Can I have a cookie too, Mom?" Uh, I don't think so, but you're darn cute anyway.

I have been having ideas float thru' my head about maybe making some dolls. I was going to start tonite, but I am pooped. Perhaps tomorrow.

Holding pattern

So right now my life is in a bit of a holding pattern. Not much is going on, and I suppose that is ok. I've got Much Music Retro videos going on in the background; Gowan is on. Ooh! Flashback to the 80's!

I definitely feel like I am ready to go to work. I am bored out of my gourd at home! As scary as it will be to get a new job, I know I am ready for the challenge. Go go Gadget Anne!

Passion part 2

Today was a much better day than yesterday. After a little nap this afternoon, I got a whole bunch of stuff accomplished, including some art! See!
I love colour. Colour is often the first thing that draws me into a piece of art. I need to remember that art does not need to be "complicated" to be enjoyable.











There is something mystical about where inspiration and passion come from.





I want to learn more about colour theory. It is so much more than mushing colours together and hoping you get the colour you want.

Passion

It seems like there is a common theme in a lot of the blogs and websites I have been visiting lately; passion and how artists reconnect with their passion during the doldrums of winter. This made me think of my own passions and sources of said passions. So, instead of crocheting last night, I did some small scale art with the themes of passion. They aren't done yet, but as soon as they are, I'll post 'em here!

Today was just a quiet, napping kind of day. I did a touch of crocheting, but that is about it. I'm tired of being sore all the time (whine whine). Hopefully tomorrow is a better day!

Had a good day. Went for tea with my hubby and had a lovely time. Made peanut butter chocolate chip cookies while I was on the phone with Donna and Miz S (gotta love conference calls!). I am still planning to do a bit of crochet before I head off to dream land.

I have been thinking some lately about this blog and my goals/reasons for "doing" it. It certainly a helpful place to just dump the stuff clogging up my brain. I have been looking at a lot of different blogs and seeing what other people write. I know blogging is not a competition, but I feel my posts sometime lack the depth of thought that some other blogs seem to have. Maybe I'm just not a deep thinker! :D I guess I am just doing my own thang. I want this to be fun and not a chore. I'm just going to keep doing what I am doing, and as long as I am happy, that's all that is important. Sometimes it is important for me to realize it is ok for me to do what I want, how I want, and there is no right or wrong. It's ok for me to be me!

Friday, Friday...

Friday was ok. It was one of those "painful" kind of days, but I just went with the flow as much as possible. I had a good nap (or two).

I made a conscious effort to continue with my daily creativity plan. I decided to crochet today. I finished the third ball of yarn, and I did decide to repeat the central green colour. My blanket is really coming along. I am so proud!

Oooh! A GOOD day!

Today was, surprisingly, a good day. Busy, but good. I just feel hopeful and "up". It's surprising but refreshing.

Started a new group~~ this one is for PTSD. Sounds like it will be helpful and hopefully gentle. We will be doing homework every week (ugh) but I can handle that.

I went and got my hair done today. Had a great time and ended up with a cute cut!

I also did a little art. They are a little bigger than an ATC (each is 70mm x 120mm) but it was what I had so I worked with them. Yes, they are birds with fruit on their heads! A chicken with an apple and a bird with a pineapple.



It felt really good to draw a little bit. I hope I can keep the momentum and do a little art each day (ideally), but realistically maybe a few times a week.

It is a day...

Today was fine. Yes, just fine. I went to the dentist for a checkup and got a clean bill of health :D . I had a wonderful refreshing nap, and so I have been I feeling good this evening. Kinda happy, I have to admit. I start a new group tomorrow, as well as getting a hair cut.

I have been crocheting off and on. I am almost finished my third ball of yarn and I am hoping to get started on a new colour. I think I am going to repeat the central green colour around the outer edge. Not terribly creative, but I think it will look good. I feel proud that I am actually accomplishing something!

Life continues...

Same s#it, different day. I am having lots of body pain, but what can ya do? As much as I want to leave my future up to the Mahanta, it is really hard to let go. I am worried about getting a job. What if no one will hire me? I don't mind if it is not the best job in the world, but I would like one that I can be somewhat happy in. How can I work around the body pain? So many questions, and time is getting short.

Directionless

Today I just felt sorry for myself. It has been a rough day, physically and emotionally. I did make a yummy dinner: roast pork, veggies, mashed spuds and apple crisp for dessert.

I feel restless and unhappy. I just feel lost. I feel uncreative. I have been wandering around the internet, looking at blogs, trying to get inspired.

I am sending out a request: for guidance, for love, for a gentle helpful push, and for support. Hello? Is anyone listening?

Brain Dump

I have to really start figuring out my future, especially when it comes to a job. I just cannot go back to nursing; I will truly die inside if I do. What else can I do with my life? I am not trained for anything else. A min wage job seems like the most likely route for me. At least I can bring in a bit of money while I look for something better. I trust in the Mahanta that the right life will be mine.

I also need to take care of my body better. Exercise and food.

A tiny bud of excitment is growing inside me. A time of change is here. It feels like a sense of rightness, a warm sense of true-ness. I am scared shitless but am ready, I think for the first time in my life. I feel like I can control my life and not just let life push me about. I am ready to work with life.

Life

Lost
sorrow
wistful past

pain
emptiness
nothing but time

useless
crushed
frozen creativity

searching
seeking
blinded sight

torturous.

So, umm, yeah.

So. Yup. It's 2007 and I haven't posted for a while. What can I say? The holidays were good. New Year's came with no resolutions on my part. What I have been doing is crocheting. Yup. Crocheting a big granny square lap blanket out of Red Heart Super Saver (cheap and easy is how I like my yarn). Ya wanna see? I knew you would!

Ok, I'm ranting now!

Ok. I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Enough already! The last couple of days have been extremely difficult as I saw my dad on the weekend. I feel restless, sore, jittery, anxious and just plain ol' crappy. I am exhausted by being hypervigilant. I am so exhausted, but I can't seem to get a good continuous amount of sleep. My eating patterns are wacky. The dogs are good but I just feel annoyed by them. AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH! I feel like I just can't do anymore, but I have a busy week ahead. Appointments every day and hubby is working all weekend. I know I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and just keep on keeping on, but it is hard. Can I get off now? I don't like the ride anymore :(

Woohoo! I PAINTED!

Yes indeedie, I did it. Got out those acrylics and put brush/knife to canvas. AND I LOVED IT!!! See what I did....

A lovely November day

Today has been a good day. It was very warm for November (like 15C!) and nice and sunny too. Dear hubby took today and tomorrow off work, which was a nice surprise. We went for tea, and we both had different types of chai. Hubby had a green chai and I had a sweet chai with vanilla flavouring. Mmmmmm!

The past few days have been much better due to a very good counseling session on Tuesday, and another supportive intake interview with Trauma Stress Service (TSS) yesterday. Things are starting to look up as it is starting to sink in that I *really* qualify for TSS. Knowing I will have coordinated specialized services for my needs has taken a big load off my brain, and I think hubby's too. I feel almost giddy and happy, kinda : ).

Since I have been starting to feel a bit better, I dug out my acrylics and my canvases. I am a little scared to paint. I think it is because it is something I have always wanted to do, and now I have the opportunity. Some people dive right in to new projects; I have always been a bit hesitant; maybe it is because I am afraid "to be wrong" or "to do a mistake". "Making a mistake" means I would "be wasteful" of my supplies. I know we all learn by making mistakes, but the fear of not being perfect is a big one for me. That fear has always held me back; almost to a point of being frozen and unable to do anything creative. I tried to slowly work into painting by reading a few books I have on creativity and acrylics. My poor brain still is not functioning well; I could hardly concentrate. I hope tonight I will just set things my easel up and *do it*. I have an idea for a painting; we'll see what happens.

Wish me luck and a good creative flow!

New arty-stuff

I have been dealing with quite a lot lately, but, finally, I did some artistic-type stuff!
I have been playing with watercolour pencils (draw on with a special pencil, wet with a brush), and these are some of my test pieces. So far, I like working with them on a small scale; they can dry quickly (like any watercolour can).
This is a larger piece, about 9x12. It is watercolour pencil, ink, and regular coloured pencils. I got stuck quite a few time as to "what do I do next?", but eventually the ideas came and I went with them. Don't ask me what it is or try to explain it; it defies explanation I think! :D

Good News about the puppies!

We had to take the dogs to the vet today to a) get checked for fleas, b) have some of Shadow's lumps get checked out and c) have the dogs get lots of treats from the vet tech Nicole. Shadow has flea dirt only (ok), Roxy had no fleas (yay). Two of Shadow's lumps are "lipomas" (fatty benign tumours) (yay!!) and one lump in his ear we have to keep an eye on (not so bad). Both of the pups got lots of treats, as always. I am so happy that Shadow's tumours are really nothing to be worried about. Finally, some good news!

Otherwise, today has been a day of sleep and rest. And nothing else. Even the dogs were good and napped while I did. I still get overwhelmed and exhausted with the smallest exertion, so I have done the bare minimum to get through the day. And I don't feel guilty AT ALL!!!! :D